the flag

Jess on September 27, 2003

We all turned to watch you hang at Guantanamo Bay. Your body swaying in the wind–limp and alive at once–you hang. When you finally die, we’ll spread your ashes in the soil of the world. You used to tell me late at night, whisering while I was fast asleep, ‘I love so many people and countries, I do.’ I heard you and I watched as a red cross van in camouflage pumped your colors into the veins of others’ infrastructures. Blood transfusions save lives, you said. I watched you hang at Guantanamo Bay and realized you were lifeless. My blood cannot save you.

summerland

Jess on September 27, 2003

i had all this shit to say about how tommy is going out and getting drunk tonight and how pissed off i am about it because “i thought i knew him” or something. and i cried at work because i was upset that the only people that i care about feel the need to get drunk (period, but also fairly regularly) and i don’t really know what i could say to him, or if i should say anything to him, to make him feel better about himself so that he doesn’t feel like he needs alcohol. and i don’t know how to say it without being preachy. because i dont’ want to sound preachy because i’m not doing it to be that way. i just care about him and don’t want him to ruin his life. he’s so much cooler than he thinks right now and i wish i could convince him of that.

homecoming was today. rachel and dustin one which i think is cool they’re both hella nice and that’s good. although i’ll say they’re not who i voted for. still. i don’t think they were anywhere near the worst choices. all of the guys were pretty good. and there were two girls maybe 3 who i would’ve liked to see get it. i don’t know. it was alright. the parade was fun. fish floats rule. :)!

after i finish the layout for this site (tonight? hopefully) i’m going to make one for clamor that’ll be all kinda of fun. so i hope i get that done eventually. or at all. either would be an improvement. i also made http://blog.chaostasis.net all pretty which is good. cuz i’ve been meaning to for a long time now and i’m getting hostees and it now has valuable information on it. rock the fuck on.

thrice makes me melt.

when it all goes wrong

Jess on September 25, 2003

‘someday when things go wrong again we’ll burn this city down.’ i’ve missed my tra-la-la-di-da mix so much. so many memories associated with all the songs. mostly of me driving around being crazy and thinking a lot of thinking. i haven’t heard firedoor in awhile. its funny cuz i hate the version of the song on the mix. shrug. riley gave ani points today because of her rapping bawitdiba part of the song. but he said that he will never be able to tolerate her. i just hope he starts to tell someone about how he heard a song like that and then realizes that it was ani. and then he stops and turns red. that would make it worth it.

homecoming is tomorrow. i’m wearing my prom dress to the parade (to get another wear out of it) that and i want to be a sea lass. mmhm. mermaid party. even though my dress ic ompletely non-mermaid. it COULD be. and its a good excuse to wear it. i thik i’m going to paint the showing parts of my body red so that its like school spirit or some shit. mmhm. sounds like fun.

i wrote something about the flag yesterday that i keep meaning to post. i think it was good. mostly because it was about the flag and guantanamo bay. i’ll probably post it sometime later. at i&p. i have a new hostee named mandi but i haven’t emailed her the stuff yet. so i’m going to do that soon too. so if you’re reading this i promise, its coming.

you, gone

Jess on September 23, 2003

i’ll hold my head high
and walk away, from you
because that’s what you want
or so you say.

and i’ll ask for your hand back
and pray, pray that you deny me
deny me.
and if you didn’t
then i’d still keep walking away
because that’s where you push me.

i asked you once if you wanted to stay
and you told me to stay
so i stayed.

i’ve never told you i love you
without pausing, waiting
to hear it back.
and so now i do,
i love you.

offshore drillers are hippies

Jess on September 23, 2003

i dream about getting a bright red brand new toyota camry and hiding it from my mom in the back yard. i dream about leaving my computer outside and it still turning on, despite the flood waters. i dream about some girl whose back hurts so bad and i am that girl int he dream but i was everyone in the dream. and so i ignore the one with the hurt back. i wake up and my back hurts.

default

Jess on September 21, 2003

i’m really in a terrible mood right now and madeline and i fought earlier today and i hate that and i hate everything and i can’t talk to her and i don’t feel like talking to anyone else.

stud

Jess on September 18, 2003

yah,
that’s what i think.
when i think you.

i thought about you

Jess on September 18, 2003

i was wondering where you were and then i thought about you. i stopped thinking about you. then i read all of the things that i wrote about you and that was so long ago and i won’t admit it but i still know who that girl is. i still remember her so well. and i remember driving and smoking and sweating in your car while this song played so loud and it was so loud until jessica stopped the music and then there was silence except for my head. which was screaming. because i’ve never weighed the possibility that you may be a (i believe you put it this way) you may be a mistake.

contrary to popular belief, fish can be ninjas.

Jess on September 15, 2003

jess says: i got a new fishie
jarod says: hehehe
jess says: his name is zared
jess says: http://theprettymachine.chaostasis.net/images/orangeshirt/0004.jpg
jarod says: hehe
jess says: he’s fat. all he does is eat. i swear. and he’s gotten to wear he even gets excited when i’m all up in his grill cuz he thinks he’s gonna get food. i love him so much
jess says: he’s a ninja.
jarod says: hes going the distance
jarod says: hes going for speed
jarod says: *is listening to cake*
jess says: i thought you were talking about my fish