Author: Jess

Happy flag day, welcome to the great pie eat. Here’s the story:

Yesterday, I was checking facebook updates and came across Dave’s which commanded the following: “Eat a pie sometime next week. The entire pie. Not in just one sitting, but polish’er off by the end of the day. You’ll feel like ass, but the satisfaction of eating an entire pie will be well worth it! Err, maybe.” Immediately, I felt drawn to the idea. However, I cannot wait until next week. So I am going to eat an entire pie today.

I told mom this soon after deciding it. I walked into the kitchen and said, triumphantly, “I am going to eat an entire pie tomorrow.”
Mom: “JESS! You can’t do that! You need to watch yr figure!”
Jess: “No, mom, look, my tummy is flat! I’m fine!”
Mom: “You have saddle bags.”
Jess: “What?! You cannot do this. I just fixed the other part you already complain about and now you spring this other thing on me. Something I can’t even do anything about! It’s not even muscle! It’s just stuff that’s there!”
Mom: “You need to exercise more.”
Jess: “How can I exercise away something not connected to muscle? I know what I’ll do. I’ll starve myself. Then my body will be like ‘ummmm i’m hunnngrrry i neeed food. where can i get some food? oh yah… i’ve been storing it all in jess’s saddlebags. ummm nummm yumm.”
Mom: “You don’t need to starve yourself.”
Jess: “Then eating an entire pie won’t hurt me.”
All of this took place while I was buttering I baked potato beyond recognition. Awesome. So then I hugged mom and said “Thank you for helping me with the baked potato. I’m sorry you think I’m fat.”

Later, at work, I informed others of this monumentous decision.

Jess: I’m going to eat an entire pie tomorrow.
Roger: that sounds like quite the challenge
Jess: Yah, you should do it too.
Jess: “Eat a pie sometime next week. The entire pie. Not in just one sitting, but polish’er off by the end of the day. You’ll feel like ass, but the satisfaction of eating an entire pie will be well worth it! Err, maybe.”
Jess: I’m going to record it all by digital photo and put it on facebook.
Roger: I want to try the milk challenge
Roger: but the pie challenge sounds just as fun
Jess: yah.
Jess: you have the time. pies are only like 3 dollars, i think.
Jess: you can choose the flavor. WHAT IS NOT TO LOSE?
Roger: Are you too dumb not to eat an entire pie?
Jess: Freudian slip.
Jess: HAHA That’s the motto of the Great Flag Day Pie Eat of 2006.
Roger: Yours or mine?
Jess: Either way.
Jess: Yours.
Roger: Everyone’s a winner!
Jess: It’s true.
Roger: It will be like Pie Heaven on Earth.
Jess: Yes! In all flavors!
Jess: And Graham Cracker Crusts!
Roger: What about Chicken Pot Pies?
Jess: Don’t be ridiculous, I am vegetarian.
Jess: But you could do that, if you were a savage.
Roger: I only eat the chickens because I hate them
Roger: and want the strength
Jess: Oh. I can’t eat them. Because some tastes must go.
Jess: The Chicken Pot Pie should not have a graham cracker crust.
Roger: agreed
Roger: I have nothing against mr. graham
Jess: Awesome! Take photos of yr pie day. And actually do it.

Jess: You should eat an entire pie, tomorrow.
Nate: why?
Jess: It’s The Great Flag Day Pie Eat of 2006.
Nate: i don’t think i would feel very well
Jess: “Are you too dumb not to eat an entire pie?” is this years motto.
Jess: You don’t have to do it all in one sitting.
Jess: It’s just a 24 hour thing.
Jess: Like a marathon.
Jess: I meant a tv marathon. Which is fitting because comparing a pie-eat to a running marathon would be ironic. Giving how little exercise one gets eating a pie.
Jess: Anyway, just do it.
Nate: what if i don’t? will you come find me and shove a pie in my face?
Jess: No, silly, my pie will be in my stomach.
Nate: because that only works on TV.
Jess: Yah.
Jess: I’m going to do it though.
Jess: I can’t wait.
Nate: what kind of pie will you eat?
Jess: I haven’t decided, but I had a sudden urge to scream RHUBARB!
Jess: That’s not going to happen though I bet.
Nate: rhubarb pie is really good
Jess: Yah I bet.
Jess: but where would i get it?!?
Jess: If I controlled space-time I would have one.
Nate: you can make one
Jess: That’s a woman’s job!

This is going to be the best day of my life. It’s 1:26 and the pie is in the oven for the next 50 or so minutes. Then I have to let it cool for a few and then I’m going to put it in my mouth. Yum.

conversations with emily were very good tonight. we talked about a whole bunch of things and i must say that i really enjoy sitting in the company of a friend just bullshitting about smart things, like who oppenheimer really was. we also watched an episode of the Showtime tv show, Huff. It was good. I’d probably watch more episodes, but I am not at all addicted to it or anything. My drive home was surreal. I kept waiting for something absurd, and yet very regular, to happen but the only thing extraordinary that occurred was my viewing of raccoon eyes staring back at me from the other side of the road. crazy little guy was just waiting for something. maybe he felt it in the air too.

i just cleaned up all the comment spam on my website. whee. i’m pretty excited about finally doing that. i also changed the name/configuration of the comments script so that hopefully i can go awhile without it happening again. i found a program that will auto change it, but it’s so easy to change it by myself. i think mostly i just need to remember that.

summer is pretty boring and i need a second job. this is the story of the summer of 2006. i really hate the application process a lot though. there’s a few places i’m considering applying though and so hopefully i can just go there tomorrow and get apps filled out and get things taken care of. that would be the most exciting thing that could happen. the best impetus is how badly i need money. and i’d really like to have a second job and stuff too.

i got this really sweet software called Delicious Library that keeps track of all the books I have. all I have to do is type in the ISBN numbers. It’s amazing.

RYLA is complete for yet another year and I think it went brilliantly. I got to meet this awesome girl Callie who allowed me to realize that we really can have faith in this generation of high schoolers. Not that I was doubting, but seriously, she’s like me returned to my 17 year-old-self. Awesome.

I slept 16 hours in recovery and now I’m back to my normal bouncy self. Tonight, Will and I are driving to KCMo to see Chuck Palahniuk talk about his book Haunted. Sounds good enough. I’ve got our tickets reserved and Will and I will split gas money. Hrm. I can’t wait. And I get to see Joe. Wheee.

The best part about summer is spending time with the friends I hardly spend time with otherwise. I should really try to be a better friend.

if i had a few hours i’d take a nap; if i had a few dollars i’d buy some pablo nerudo poetry. got to see becky/erik last night and spend my last nights in dc with my favorite people i’ve collected from abroad. it’s good to see erik and just be friends again. it’s also nice to hang out with becky outside of forensics. whee. growing up is kind of alright, if you plan it correctly. i’m home from the road to revolution and boy am i tired.

i hate when i don’t write on vacations. i wish i’d journal and journal and journal, but then i haven’t even taken the time to spend any time just with myself and when i did it turned out a disaster. i feel bad tonight because there was a drama on the high seas when bearman found out who slept were last night. which is okay, you know. i don’t really mind who sleeps in my room but i guess joe was somewhat weird about it just because of who it is. and i’ll be honest, waking up near someone you never meant to wake up with the first time is a little jarring. but i don’t know. bearman sorta flipped out and played the concerned dad-figure card. i guess…. i just feel really bad about it now.

the trip has been going really well though, as far as large group trips go. i’m poor. and stuck with a large group of people whose company i really enjoy so i don’t really see things as being all that bad. boston was great. we walked a third of the freedom trail and went to lexington, concord and plymouth. boston and massachussetts in general is so beautiful. i love it there. i think i could move there in a heartbeat, especially now that i’ve seen new york. new york was nice but there are so many people and too much noise and not enough wonderful things like stars and silence and grass. i didn’t think anyone could actually miss grass, but it turns out that it’s a definite possibility. it also smells, but not really in a bad way except at night in chinatown. i think we all decided that new york seems to lack a real heart or identity. i mean, it’s all pieces of all things which are “new york” but it’s not like there’s this little identifiable soul. i’d like to go back a lot and see some of the things i didn’t get a chance to see. hopefully then i can visit some of the suburbs more. i’m sure they’ve got heart. it’s just so big. i don’t know how it can be tied all together. it’s like a microcosm of america, but much louder and with much greater population density. oi.

i got to go yankee stadium!! and the yankees beat the royals! plus, it was a fucking awesomely good game. and mariano rivera pitched the ninth inning. it was so cool to get to cheer for him walking out of the bullpen in yankee stadium. and it was sweet to be surrounded by a majority of yankee fans for the first time in my life. in general. i think new york was good in this way. also, though, yankee stadium just blew me away. i had such an amazing, amazing time. that morning we walked to st. patrick’s cathedral which is the catholic church that the kennedy’s go to when they’re in town for mass. oh, oh, oh. what an amazing cathedral! it was so beautifully brilliant. apparently it’s the largest church in the united states. i’d believe it. it seats like 2400 people.

philadelphia has mostly been a nice break. i’ve been enjoying all of the sights that we’ve seen. and there is a lot of good revolutionary history. we went to see gordon wood who is basically the primary author on revolutionary america speak at that national constitution center.

tomorrow i go to dc. hopefully sometime i’ll get around to blogging about the statue of liberty and ellis island soon. oh and the lazer light tour of philly. oh man. this is why private industry should always always do history. haha. what a joke.

i’m on the road to revolution class trip with a lot of my friends. it’s so much fun. we’re in boston right now and we just finished our second day. oh awesome. yesterday we got in around noon and went to the hotel and then we went out and did the freedom trail, well, i guess we just did a third of the walk because it’s bearman leading it and the walk trail is like a syllabus. it was awesome. then we went to no name restaurant which i originally went to with mckeithan. i had a really good time. cara, bearman, joe, brandon, todd and i went out to it…

man. blogging in a room full of people is worthless and we’re going to get a noise complaint and imma gonna be a bitch tomorrow. sweet.