last night i dreamt that i had a baby and i couldn’t love it but i felt terribly bad for it. oh man. what a terrible dream. on the bright side, i had a really fantastic weekend, most of the pictures are on facebook, and i’m so ready for my trip which we leave for tomorrow. i’ve got all my stuff packed and not kidding i’m in one bag. how awesome is that? one nice little tote that will carry easily around the northern to middle east coast. what, what.
i went to see the smoking popes with mle today, it was a lot of fun and i’m glad i didn’t just sit at home all night on this glorious day off work. she was suppsoed to maybe go with christie but she couldn’t get a hold of her so i offered to go despite having only a limited history of being a fan of the band. they’re on the clueless soundtrack though and i like that, and actually at the show ir ecognized a lot more than I thought I would, probably because we listened to them on the way into lawrence though.
we got into lawrence pretty early. maybe around 5 or something… because we wanted to buy tickets so we did that and then we wandered around lawrence. we walked to solidarity because it’s my new favorite infoshop and i got the population bomb by paul ehrlich on rental. i figure it’ll be good reading to get me all fired up about zero pop people and how much i wanna show them why they’re wrong to want to stop the population of people on the earth. i think it’ll also really help me understand what julian simon is attacking when i read that book that joe has. awesome. we also went to third planet and i got a cute toe ring cos it was cheap cheap. it has a lizard with a little squiggly line down it’s back. awwh. i sorta wished i would’ve gotten the elephant one because it’s more obviously an elephant but i wanted a lizard one for a while and i think that it’s nice to have one that isn’t obviously anything other than a pretty ring on my toe.
we ate at la familia which was all kinds of yummy and then went on missions around mass and to buy delicious cigarettes then to world market before theshow started. craziness. at world market i checked the message on my celly to learn that the neighbor who had the cops come for them not too long ago has been spreading aids intentionally around town. how shitty is that? I kinda hope that it’s not true, but it probably is because i guess they had mugshot of him. which maybe means he’d done it before? is that even illegal? can it be illegal? should it be? maybe. if you believe laws are legitimate. but man. that is fuuucked up. who does that? we saw a law and order on it but it didn’t seem like a realistic story line, though i suppose it was more because of other elements of the story… as it is true that patient zero (the first aids patient) knowingly spread it around. oh man.
the only downside of the show was the stupid loud guy kept asking them to play his song. i believe he was like janet reno, except this wasn’t his dance party and he was just ruining it for the rest of us. and he stepped on mle’s fractured foot. what a dumbnik.
oh oh and munchers on the way home and then jimmy johns and getting pulled over by a cop who wasn’t too much of a douchbag and only gave a ticket for something hopefully easy to get out of. here’s to that. let’s here it for love.
I’m at work now and I thought I had money for Soda but I don’t so I am very sad. What a waste! Maybe there is some out in the car and I could go check, but I don’t know. And I was even going to stop at Sonic on my way into work but decided not to cos I could just buy a can here. Ugh. Never again will I think ahead.
Today I went to the eye doctor. My vision is good! Hooray!
I also went to Lunch with some people from PO354 including Beatty, Dave, Artur, Sam and Effie and some other guy whose name I didn’t know. It was a good time. Sam and Effie were saying that they’re gonna try to go to Ghana over Winter break next year to teach first aid to people at NGOs and stuff. I’m gonna try to go with them. They said it would be possible and it really sounds like a blast. Model UN is in Geneva next year, which would be worth going to. Beatty was saying that when he studied abroad in Geneva they figured out that if you went to France you could collect call payphones in the US and then their girlfriends could accept the charges and they’d just get billed by the US. I guess it was pretty awesome for the first ten calls, but pretty soon, they were told that there was an officer coming for them. So they just fled back across the border, illegally. Hah. How great is that?
Bearman also apparently stole everything when he was in college, from furniture to plates to everything. It’s just bizarre the way these professors got away with everything. What renegades. Oh well. We all leave for the Road to Revolution soon. I can’t wait. I’m also mostly just really excited for the weekend to get here. Seriously, I have so many magnficient plans! whee.
I worked for 7 hours today and yesterday writing transcripts only to find out when it was too late to hypercorrect plans that I didn’t need to do the transcript anymore. And all I wanted was an email to say that. Oh well.
I posted all of my Cinco De Mayo, attacking Chelsea at the CAB movie ticket handout, wedding from the weekend, and Matt’s graduation party photos. What a fantastic time I’ve had. Hopefully Joseph can make it to Kim’s this weekend. Woosh. We be drinkin beer and taking lotsa photos. Summer is brilliance.
Work’s also been a lot of fun. All of the bosses are out except Ernie and so we’re just being cynical and hating on everyone we know mutually.
Man, I get so mopey some days. I was really looking forward to living out of the city for a while but it turns out I just feel incredibly disconnected from everything. and Idon’t like my room as much because there is this monstrosity type thing my mom moved in in place of my nice furniture and there isn’t nearly enough natural light cos it’s such a mopey day anyway. i don’t know. tv sucks and isn’t likely to change anytime soon.
on the brigh side, i got some special k and matt’s party last night was a blast enough though mallory didn’t show up. brandon and i got to have a heart-to-heart about things and life and i got to hang out with tonya which i’m happy about cos it’s really the last day that she’s here. i’ll post pictures later, prolly when i’m happier.
i might start an herb garden. i checked out a book on it from the solidarity center (it’s an anarchist infoshop) in lawrence. I think imma gonna go there monday to go to this women’s health discussion they have. it’s on “our bodies our . . .” i don’t know. some hippy crap about being a woman, but it sounds empowering enough. i felt so weird in that shop yesterday because i was dressed notably like a tool. now that i think about it.. i may not have the day off. so there goes that good idea. hmph. imma gonna hafta call them about it.
Joy got married today. It was really fun to go to the wedding and get to see her and all of those people from my childhood again. I really feel awkward around all of them though. In this weird way, where I used to be a little kid when I’d see them and now I just really feel like I’m still a little kid when they’re around. Or I don’t quite know who I’m supposed to be around them. It’s easier in little groups because I can just be comfortable being my self but really. crazy.
I had to return Joe to KCMo today too. That was sad. I’m gonna miss him so much this summer. Hopefully he’ll make it down here a lot and I’ll make it up there a lot too. His parents said that they expected he could and they know he doesn’t have transportation so maybe thise means this summer is time for a shift toward the generous? hopefully. i think his relationship with them has really matured and they respect him a lot now. maybe that means he can borrow their car.
so he’s gone for the summer which means i need to come up with ways to entertain myself. tonight = matt’s with mallory. hopefully. if she calls. if not i’ll just be there for a little while to say hi and congratulations and then try to duck out sorta early. it’s been a long day.
this feeling
is a paper tiger
threatening us
with its graceful
blowing in the wind
when it stops its taunts
in the crashing fire
i’m expecting a slow
drawn out melancholy
that explodes into a million shades
of regret
you and i
have lived a love
as dreamers
not regretters
and i’d take it all back if i could.
Ever since I have been probably an infant, May has been filled with this fantastic feeling of relief as the school and pressures of becoming educated draw to an end and I can begin to focus on the things I most care about. This summer it’s several things long. I want to read more fiction. I want to get a job. I want to volunteer with Catholic services in town. I want to do more web design. I want to work with Bearman on more oral history projects because I love them Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates, Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas, and Jitterbug Perfume
C.S. Lewis The Chronicles of Narnia: Books 2-7 in story chronology not written chronology.
Kurt Vonnegut Slapstick, and others
Arthur Nersesian Suicide Casanova
Islam Books The Dancing Girls of Lahore by Louise Brown, Inside the Kingdom: My Life in Saudi Arabia by Carmen Bin Ladin, Guests of the Sheik: An Ethnography of an Iraqi Village by Elizabeth Warnock Fernea, Baghdad Diaries: A Woman’s Chronicle Of War And Exile by Nuha Al-Rad, Women and Gender in Islam: Historical Roots of a Modern Debate by Leila Ahmed, My Sister, Guard Your Veil; My Brother, Guard Your Eyes: Uncensored Iranian Voices by Lila Azam Zanganeh (Editor), Beyond the Veil: Male-Female Dynamics in Modern Muslim Society by Fatema Mernissi
Feminist Books: Feminism without Borders: Decolonizing Theory, Practicing Solidarity by Chandra Talpade Mohanty
DAMMIT JESS THAT IS ENOUGH. Later I will figure out which books are available via the public library.
i alone own the sickest sweetest fantasy
of being yours before knowning you
the quick adrenaline pull of cheating
and getting away with all the lies
would never feel so good,
baby, baby, won’t you
just let it go
and fall into me?
and i, i could know
i could know you
and never love you.
not once.
Today is a simple question of good versus bad.
Bad
– Morse thought my paper wasn’t on the list but it actually was
– Beatty paper has to be written sometime today but it’s not due till Thursday so it should be okay
– Morse sorta hurt my feelings about the paper but i think she was being optimisticc so i shouldn’t take it so hard
Good
– I got a thumb rosary that spins
– I look really cute today in my new skirt from Jeska.
– It looks like my oral histories are going to come out alright.
– I LEAVE FOR NEW ENGLAND IN 2 WEEKS!
