Author: Jess

i had to wake up at 8 am for a denist appointment today and i was less reluctant to get out of bed than i had expected but it still took me over 35 minutes to wake up after the alarm sounded. then i got ready really quickly and headed to the dentist. i apparently defeated plaque this six-month period and i am cavity free. w00. it’s amazing that time has gone this quickly. i swear, i swear, it was only a few days ago that i had my first appointment of the school year but then i think about it and remember that i hadn’t even met J then, i don’t think. it’s hard to say really. and steve and i have only been dating like 5ish months. so it would make sense that the appointment was awhile ago. it’s funny how unconcious of time i become. my experience at said dentist was probably my best ever. the actual dentist wasn’t getting in until 9 a.m. (lazy?) so i finished the preliminary stuff at 8:30 and they just let me go cos all she’d do was look at my teeth anyway. YEAH! and i had my favorite hygenist. she’s not particularly better than the others but her voice sounds like one of the women on the golden girls so if i close my eyes i’m pretty comforted. my teeth are sore though, oi.

after that i went to the henderson lab and wrote a poem and printed my two one-page papers that were due today. they went pretty well, considering i only had to press the OK button to make them print. i’m kind of fond of the poem. it’s called The Prettiest and is currently available only on my opendiary. i wrote it about this girl that i passed in the hallway.

i should get to what i really want to talk about… today in french class this woman jane, who sits next to me, gave me this story that was the retelling of a dream she had over spring break and told me about because i was in it. but she gave me basically no detail when she said she had a dream with me in it last week.. so she hands me these sheets of papers today and is like “now jess realize its just a dream and its pretty gory.” and i’m like “that’s rad, i can handle it.” so i start reading it and its this dream she had about murdering her exhusband. i don’t really know how to handle the story.. because its so deeply personal. and you could tell that even though it was just a dream about her killing him.. she pretty much wanted him dead. so i don’t know. it was so full of thought and intense. and she cared so much about her daughters in it.

my role in the dream was pretty rad as well. after she killed him she was going to turn herself in and there was a lot of hoopla surrounding the murder because it was as yet unsolved but a lot of people thought she did it. so she’s going to turn herself in and there are all of these people supporting her around the courthouse or police station and i was there. and then the part that she wrote about me was really flattering. she talked about how even though i’m only eighteen i’m really mature for my age. and i’m really confident in myself and the world and basically said that i have a really old soul. like i know about the hurt in others without having experienced myself in this life. it was really flattering. but i don’t know.. i don’t think i’m any deeper than anyone else except that i let myself. so i think i just got kind of uncomfortable about reading it. because i never know the proper humble response to these things. hrm. i don’t know. but i like hearing it.

i cleaned joe’s bathroom tonight because the bathtub was absolutely revolting and i couldn’t handle taking a shower in it even because i always felt completely disgusting when it was all over. ick. so i cleaned the bathroom with baking soda and lemon juice (its like the best combination ever, i’m not even kidding). it went pretty well. i cleaned the floor too which isn’t as much fun as cleaning the bathtub but then cleaning the bathtub left me with lemon juice and baking soda burns on my arms and elbows. oi.

after that, we hung around for a while to try to waste some time to hang out with steve but he took a while and then we decided to watch the movie we’d rented and we watched the life of david gale. it was a really fucking good movie. it’s all about the death penalty and journalists and death penalty activists. i liked it a lot. it brought up some interesting points and as far as movies go.. it was a pretty good one as far as movies go. the editing was good and the script and i love kevin spacey in general and kate winslet as well. i’d probably recommend it to about everyone. especially hippie liberals and their friends. yah.

it’s 2 am and i have an 8 am dentist appointment. ps. i hate the dentist with this unending anti-Dentite passion.

alright. i’m nineteen. my birthday has been really wonderful. probably the best celebration of it i’ve had so far. it began on thursday. i had a test on thursday and had to renew my liscense so steve picked me up and took me to renew my license. that experience was pretty entertaining because they didn’t even grade my damn test. i was pretty fucking angry. i spent lots of time circling little answers and then they didn’t even grade it. bitches. worse, SVD didn’t even have to take the test but that’s probably because she’s sarah VAN AWESOME! woot.

after my driving test, i hung out with steve at his house and we took a short nap (happy birthday you’re 80!). then, he took me out to olive garden and we had a really enjoyable dinner. though i don’t think i like their spinach artichoke dip. because the bread is way too sharp. and its like they’re trying too hard. it still is olive garden and that will never ever change. they might as well put bologne in it. haha. but the food was good. and my ravioli di portobelli was delicious as well.

after steve and i finished dinner we had a party. that was awesome. i drank way too much. way. way. way. too much. but it was an awesome party for the most part. at one point in the evening i was triple fisting whiskey, vodka, and beer. haha. and i wonder why i had a hangover most of the day yesterday… oi. steve and annaliegh decided to stay with jotto and i instead of trying to go all the way home. yay for my birthday.

tonight mom and dad took me out for my birthday and we ended up going to china inn first because i figured that would be good chinese food at a restaurant my mom rarely bitches about. so we went to china inn and nothing on the menu was vegetarian. i’m also at the point now wear eating meat makes me sick. so i couldn’t just pretend that it wasn’t actually meat. we decided to leave for jade garden and i’m not even upset about the china inn-cident because i got to spend more time with mom and dad and it was pretty good. except for the part where they lectured me about trying to go into a career field where there was no money. eegh. fucking parents. i explained to them that they have no idea what i want to do with my life and should just be quiet. so they asked what i planned on doing and i said a lot. probably in law and the foreign service. and if they wanted me to not go abroad then they should be warned that my domestic calling is pro-bono-representation of rape victims. so there. i think they’re more-or-less settled down about it now.

ps. i added archives and fixed some of the alignment issues on this layout. the stylesheet for comments has been changed too.

so spring break kinda kicks yr ass when suddenly you have a nine-o-clock class again and then where are you with yr day? oh wow. i was up until approx. 3:30 am with Jotto talking about old shit that we’re still bitter about, oh oh how important high school debate is in the grand scheme of things. i don’t really know why we didn’t sleep. i think its out of self hate more than anything else. grr.

the bright side is that the weather is so fucking wonderful today. i woke up kinda happy to be alive in march. and i’ll be 19 in a few days which will probably be kinda cool as well. it’s hard to say. i never had much of an affinity for 19. Though i guess i kind of did. and i always had an affinity for 17 and look where that got me. how much shit happened with i was 17? like whoa. most of it bad all of it lifeshattering, worldshaping. i suppose i’m finally what i wanted, right? grown up? nah. i guess a rather large contingent of my high school acquaintances are getting married this summer or within the next few years. its kind of scary. and i can’t believe it. who would want to marry? eegh. especially when one is so incredibly young. and people are like “well they’ve been dating for a while i guess.” and then “like a year, you know.” whoa. you have like 27 years to be married. just keep on dating and keep on loving and keep on living. that’s all. i’m not even afraid of marriage anymore. at least, not as much as i’m appalled by it. oi.

it looks like i’m going to probably go to the czech republic this summer for a few months. oh this girl is so excited.

i need a new (additional) job. someone hire me, please.

steve bought y tu mama tambien for me as an early birthday present thanks, in part, to the mentioning of tim that they had it at blockbuster for cheap. it’s probably the hottest movie ever to be seen on something other than the spanish handjob channel. i’m so excited. we’re supposed to watch it together tonight. and i’m thinking we should eat chinese food as well so i might surprise him (or ask him) if that’s okay before i come over… lately i think that moo shu vegetables are about the best food known to humankind.

easter this year is going to be different because we’re not going to do anything with the family for a variety of reasons that mostly stem from mom not wanting to see her sister and my cousin having a new baby. i guess we’re going to go to paula’s for dinner instead. this will probably suck kind of for me because i’m vegetarian and the menu seems to be pretty top heavy in murder. dammit. but i wanted to do easter somewhere this year… mom and dad apparently decided we should just do nothing. luckily when my brother and i found out we freaked out and fought them on this issue (well, we fought mom) and she called paula to get us reinvited over there. oi. i’ll probably try to make some food for myself so that i can contribute to the meal and eat as well. augh.

it seems like everyone is having a baby today or yesterday. my cousin’s wife gave birth yesterday and dave’s wife went into labor today. my brother’s spanish teacher and another woman my mom works with went into labor today or had their baby yesterday as well. ridiculous number of births. and no reason for it really. i mean i guess there was lots of unprotected sex 9 months ago. but honestly. when is that? like june of last year? why do people have high amounts of sex in june? this girl, for one, does not understand.

i held my cousin’s baby today. his name is jackson edward. and he’s pretty cute. i’ll grant that. he’s so small though it’s pretty ridiculous. and i’m pretty sure he doesn’t know that he’s out of the womb yet. he just sleeps and hangs out in his blanket and looks like his skin hasn’t quite fit to his bones yet. he only weighed 6 lbs. 6 oz. at birth and they lose a little weight after they’re born so i guess he weighs less than that now but honestly. he didn’t even wake up while i was there and i held him for a while. me holding a baby is pretty scary. at one point i realized that i could throw him on the ground and he’d probably die. and that isn’t true of very many things. even my dog peanut who is maybe smaller than the baby is capable of surviving me throwing it on the ground. but he wouldn’t react to it. he’d just be like “AUGH! I’M A BABY! AUGH!” and that would be that. immediately when i had this thought i saw the event unfold in my head and realized how mad everyone would be at me so then i freaked out about how i was holding this little life. i’m sure i’ll like him until he starts fighting with isabella (read: isabella gets jealous of him and starts fighting him) at family functions. that’ll pretty much suck.

i guess my aunt only spent about an hour over there today. probably because stancy hates her and she’s been pretty crazy lately. i don’t really understand what she’s going through but she could probably at least consider what she’s putting the family though. honestly. she makes up stories about everyone all the time.

it’s not really a precedent that is being set by the terri shiavo case other than a precedent of the media caring a little about what happens. this kind of thing happens a lot. the issue is that terri shiavo said that she does not want to be kept on life support and her husband has the right to make the decision for her, serving with power of attorney when she is in a vegetative state. her husband simply chose to go against her wishes for a while and her parents don’t want to honor her wish. but we allow people to choose whether or not their spouses will be kept on life support all the time and this is really no different than that at all except that she had made a statement that she did not want to live like that before she became bulimic and put herself in a coma and her husband chose not to honor her statement until like halfway through the coma.

further, i think that it shows why euthanasia can be good policies. i don’t think euthanasia should be allowed for anyone. probably i don’t even think this for people with degenerative diseases. roger, steph, joe, steve and i went to see the sea inside which is a movie about ramon sampedro who was a spanish quadrupulegic who fought for his right to die for about 30 years and eventually committed suicide “illegally”. his basic point was that he didn’t want to live but he couldn’t kill himself. and if he could kill himself then he would do it but since he required the help of other people to do it it would be looked at as murder. but he eventually found a way that nothing anyone done would be illegal enough for them to get in any legal trouble. i think its pretty fair analysis especially considering that while suicide is illegal, we don’t punish those who attempt suicide with legal repurcussions. i basically don’t feel that its necessary for me to fight for that “right”. however, in the case of people like terri shiavo, its already legal for the decision to be made to remove her from the machine. so she will no longer have food and die. this means that she is going to starve to death over a period of about seven days. what the fuck? we just DO this to people? whether or not she notices i think it would probably be alright to do it by injection so that she doesn’t feel pain when it happens. and that shouldn’t be viewed as any different than removing the feeding tube. it just seems pretty barbaric that its legal to starve someone but not to euthanize them in the same situation.

ps. she was bulimic right? doesn’t it seem odd then that she dies by perfect anorexia?

i was watching the view today because i used to sometimes like to watch the view when i was younger. i don’t know why now that i think about it though . . . i think i just liked how meredith viera was always such a bitch about switching topics in the first part and today i missed the first part where they do “hot topics” so the show was more ruined than it is just by being the view. . . so anyway they have kierstie allie on first and talk about how she said ten years ago (actually 13, thanks for counting) that she saw herself as being really skinny ten years from then. she also talked about her coke addiction which was mostly amazing. i know too many people that do cocaine and none of them really attempt to deter me from it in any convincing way. alright. continuing. so then they have some royal scientist on the show (like a political scientist but instead of politix its royal drama) and they’re talking about camilla and charles’ upcoming matrimony. fun. and then meredith asks something stupid and pretty obvious: “is camilla really a nice person who has just been maligned by the media?” like what the hell. cos the media cares when people do the meanness work for themselves? and the RS said “no she’s nice.” and barbara walters is like “AUGH I’VE MET HER! SHE’S REALLY FUCKING NICE! AUGH! I’M BARBARA WALTERS! AUGH!” and i remembered immediately what sucks so much about Barbara Walters. Not that I hadn’t noticed in the first 8 seconds of the show itself (her face!) but then later there were a bunch of wives of UN delegates in the crowd and she was speaking to them and she was like “i’d like to introduce to you a lot of women who have probably never had a chance to see the view . . .” right barbara. like you’re sick face doesn’t permeate every fucking tv in every goddamn country. especially the rich diplomats. oi.

matt, i’d like to nominate barbara walters to your wall of shame. twice.