Category: Journal

i got ani’s new cd along with both bright eyes cds (The new ones) today at best buy during my 45 minute gap between international politics and chemistry, but i’ve only gotten to track 2 or 3 on ani’s cd because i had to go to chemistry which is where i am now. so far it sounds really amazing. its a little more folky and slightly less experimental, so far, from her last album. i think right now at least i really love her early stuff the best. Like I Said is just such a great, smooth album. But I love everything Ani does. So i suppose it doesn’t matter. Ineed to listen to the bright eyes stuff still, too.

I’m in chemistry, as was stated earlier, and i’ve determined that this class will be okay because it has wireless internet. he’s being anthrocentric right now though. saying that human studies are bad because they studied on the jews and animal studies are okay because mice aren’t jewish. but maybe the mice are jewish. or maybe we just shouldn’t look at animals as less than us thereby exposing them to arsenic. i’m in no way contending we should test arsenic on jews. maybe just cutters. my notes are pretty fucking crazy today too. it goes like this: “b. problem is, mice aren’t humans.” sometimes i think i take notes on really obvious things.

steve and i spoke about why we liked each other last night. it was good to know. although its funny cos sometimes i think the reason that he likes me is because i’m not him and i like him becuse he’s not me.

now i’m going to tell this story so sarah can read it: my friend was experimenting on the psychology of this rat (islamic). so the rat would be in a shoebox with a star hole and a circular hole and if it came out the star it got squirted with water and if it came out the circle it got cheese. so my friend lost the squirt bottle and had to dump water on its head. and the rat was really fucking pissed. so the rat comes out through the star and my friend goes to dump the water and the rat charges out of the star. my friend got bit. a jewish rat would never bite.

i think i’m on drugs.

i got to meet joe’s girlfriend caitlin tonight. that was fun. she cooked with her friends for the boys in the apartment as well as steve, dan, and i. i tried to help with the cooking as much as i could. mostly i just whisked eggwhites for the cake. the food turned out really wonderful though and i must say she’s a great catch. we also watched a LOT of family guy which is a great way to spend one’s saturday night. in a few weekends we’re going to do vegetarian food that i cook mostly for the superbowl. i’m thinking tofu-tballs. lol. bad jokes are awesome!

i finished the book i’ve been reading for the past few weeks yesterday at work. its called House of Leaves by Mark Danielewski and it had to be one of the craziest books i’ve ever read.

the majority of the text of the book is a manuscript written by this man Zampano. Zampano lived in this little appartment and lived under extremely strange circumstances. he always walked around the courtyard daily and rarely did anything else with his time, as far as the neighbors could see. so this man Lude and his friend Johnny Truant were scouting the apartment cos they knew he would die soon and they figured the rent wouldn’t be that steep. so the man dies and Johnny moves into the apartment. when he gets there he finds this trunk containing all of this writing.. including regular sheets of paper, matchbooks, stamps, etc. just all of this paper. so he starts reading the story and decides to transcribe it onto something workable because he believes it should be published. meanwhile, the deeper he gets into the story the crazier he gets. the manuscript itself is about this documentary called The Navidson Record which doesn’t exist even in the world of Zampano and Johnny Truant about this family that moves into a house and discovers that the outer dimensions of the house are smaller than the inner dimensions. then the house begins to shift shapes and a new closet appears, then a whole new hallway appears.. so they begin to explore the hallway and it drives all of them insane. basically. a few people die in the exploration and eventually the house engulfs everything in it. but it eventually rebuilds. Johnny’s insanity is mapped throughout the book via footnotes on random passages in the text. Mostly, these footnotes chronicle johnny trying to find out more about zampano’s life by tracking down the girls that read to him (zampano was blind). johnny also comes from a line of insanity. his mom spent the majority of his life in a mental institution because she tried to kill him twice. johnny’s dad died when he was around ten i think so johnny grew up in foster care and had a horrible slew of foster parents. the story basically just capitulizes on the insanity of johnny, the navidsons, and johnny’s mom in some ways, plus zampano, though the last two are in the footnotes.

the book is designed in a way that really messes with one’s psyche. first, every occurance of the word House is in blue.. including other language version of house. and then parts of the text reads from bottom to top or its just like a word or a few words on the page. in some places they spacially follow what is happening in the story. it’s insane.

i recommend it to everyone. or if you have read it… talk to me about it, yo. i’d love to bounce ideas off of people.

this week has been a good one. i bought my ticket to see ani difranco in concert on feb. 23 today. which is about the best news ever. i’m so excited to see her live. i’m not sure what i’m going to do. probably just freak out a whole lot. and its at liberty hall which is a realy great venue cos its all nice and kinda small.

my classes seem like they’re going to be alright. at least, i hope they will be. the only ones that seem to require attendance are the ones that i actually wish to attend. that’s good news. also i think i should be able to easily pull a 4.0 this semester without too much work. the reading seems interesting, the course work doesn’t seem stressful. i think it will be great. and we have a pretty stellar group of people in most of my classes which is great news too.

i also put up a new layout.

i got ani’s like i said and an actual copy of coheed and cambria’s newest. i’m excited about both of them, but especially the ani because i hadn’t heard this one yet but it has two of my favorite songs on it (both hands and firedoor).. so i’m a happy girl. joyful even.

i start class today which kind of sucks. though i have huge collections of really cool people in all of my classes, especially Beatty’s which will be a huge benefit cos its Beatty and then there’s Dane, Dan, Marcus, and I. w00t. so much fun, i can’t handle it. Dave has that class too and we all know him so I suppose we’ll hang out with him some too. The rest of my classes will probably be alright. i have one class with sarah and i’m uberexcited about that.

I did kind of randomly at Concordia’s LD tournament. I went 0-4 in the first part of the tournament. mostly because i went in pretty defensive because i wanted to prove myself and I had this mindset that Creighton was good. but they aren’t. well they are.. but that doesn’t mean i’m not. so i hit creighton 4 times and due to slight judges bias as well as my own inability to win the flow on the offense.. I lose. Eh. I get pissed off as i’m likely to do. So I talk to one of my judges and then go into the next tournament (another 4 rounds which i don’t really want to do at this point..) and i rock. I hit skoglund on the neg and beat him.. then i pick up two creighton kids, back to back, on the aff. including one kid who i’d hit the day before and picked up against me and ran the same arguments. but i had better understanding. so i break this day. w00t. i went 3-1 (dropped to keiran’s god damn death penalty case. what a fuck. i’m going to kill it, like whoa.) and i pick up an outround in open which kevin says washburn hasn’t really done this year in LD and that was awesome. because i took on a squirrel case that i knew i’d have nothing on but volunteered to be neg anyway (they had so many flows on my aff it was ridiculous.) and i beat him. plus joe and brandon agree that my cx was hot. i dropped to keiran again in finals but i scared him. take that.

my current theory on sleep is that i should just stay up as late as i feel like and then wake up when i need to in order to start going to sleep earlier. but its not really working. because i’m always beyond alert at night and never so much in the morning. but i’m going to keep it going because i know that i’ll be better off this way when the semester starts. not to mention i’m sure that competing at concordia begins before 12:30 am. which is about the only time i’m actually ready to do anything. awh. winter break is a killer.

i had an extemp meeting today and now i’m gonna work on filing some. getting back in the swing of my daily life in college is making me feel a lot better about being back. its weird. i just need to stay busy most of the time to be alright.

well i’m moved back into the dorms. i brought 8 days worth of clothing (a full cycle, i’m so proud) and a bucket of apprehension. the apprehension came mostly from the room feeling lonely and the whole building feeling lonely. also, i prefer my dogs by a lot to my roommate and i miss them like whoa today. i don’t know if i’ll sleep right without peanut nuzzling me.

so steve came over to the dorm after we went to dinner and i got really upset because the room just felt so big and i knew that when there was no one in it i’d probably cry a lot. so i just took care of my crying right away and dealt with it. i don’t really understand why this is such a big deal for me, but earlier today i absolutely did not want to move in to the dorms. but i moved in anyway cos i’m pretty sure i have to force myself to do it so that’s what i did. and here i am.

after my crying episode, tim called so steve and i went and hung out with him and christy for a while. that was a good time. we read encyclopedias and learned a whole lot. then we sat around and talked and bullshitted about whatever it is people talk and bullshit about. the best phrases of the evening were “subconscious masochism” and “see i hear that story and i just think pedophile.”

around 1:45am my phone rings and its Trena. who is apparently here with boyfriend and she wants to know if i’m staying in the dorm tonight. and i tell her that i was planning on it but i can go home if she wants me to.. its not really a big deal and she says that i don’t have to but wants to know when i’ll be here so i told her i’d be here at about 2:30 or so. when i show up she comes out and says that she didn’t know i was coming this soon. but i said sunday or monday so i don’t really mind. she also brings good and bad news. the good news is that tamichael is moving here. so i pray pray pray that he gets a job because i would inevitably see a lot less of her. which would be good cos then i wouldn’t hate how she never leaves. for obvious reasons. the bad news is she’s opposed to the bed bunking idea. so i’m lofting. i was excited about the extra space in the room, goddammit.

now, the weird thing is: my apprehension about moving in left when i didn’t like my roommate again. file this one under subconscious masochism.

i’ve been snowed in for three days. mom doesn’t let me go anywhere cos the roads are bad and i’ve only had two visitors. mostly, this sucks. i’m moving into the dorms on sunday i think. i’m pretty excited about it.

ps. i love ikea.

new years eve was good. steve and i went to karls and i invited annaleigh along because i figured it would mostly be a festival of me not knowing people or not wanting to know people i already knew better and feeling like i was clinging to steve all the night and generally interfering with him having a good time. anyway, so annaleigh went with us and i was able to talk to her instead of other people all night. which was good. lucas was there and it was nice to see him again and of course karl but otherwise it was mostly people i didn’t know. or knew from around but only knew them well enough to know that i didn’t really want to get to know them any better than i already do. all in all, it was a really nice time and karl let us sleep on his futon which was really cool too because it meant my mom didn’t have to freak out and we didn’t have to worry about drunk drivers. i had a really nice time though.

i also got to hang out with mallory on friday afternoon. we went to pick up my cellphone (cos it got found, bitches). and then i bought garden state and we returned to her place where we cleaned up a little and watched a lot of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. That has to be one of the most addictive bad television shows available to watch. and USA had an allday marathon. mallory and i were talking about how boring USA usually is that they can just cancel all of their programming for an SVU marathon and make it a really big deal. hah.

thursday night i went to carla and amy’s in lawrence because carla was having a sleepover. i ate thai food and had cocktails with cari, carla, angie, caitlin and amy for a while. it was great fun. its nice to hang out with a big group of girls for once. not that i don’t like my social life of boys but its all kinds of nice to be a little bit feminine. even if they aren’t the most feminine of girls. still. sometimes one just needs to talk about things that boys feel awkward talking about. also, i think i’m going to room with cari next year which is good news because i didn’t really want to live by myself and i could see cari and i really working out as roommates. she’s rooming at kstate with stephanie this year and stephanie and i are at least pretty interchangable people. lol.
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i bought my new phone today and it makes me all squishy inside. its fabulous. and i can do ringers by person. of course there aren’t enough ringers to do one for every single person on my phone list and i dont think i’d remember who rang like what if i did it that way anyway. but still. today has been pretty good. though i cried this morning. which makes it three days in a row that i’ve cried now. completely out of the ordinary (although its pretty much only recently that i don’t cry all the time.) i guess its okay though. i’ll quit crying eventually. hopefully tomorrow…

the new phone rang up at $110 instead of $210 and the lady said they’d just fix it when i left the store 🙂 awesome. so that was good cos it balanced out that i did not get the 70 dollar rebate. it was great. and i made fun of the customers the lady has to deal with there with her. grand. and i have a new phone. now i just need to track down pictures of everyone as well as numbers like joe’s and marcus’ that i lost in the losing of the phone.

oh! and i found out that apparently someone was making calls on it after i lost it. which means someone else has it. and also that i have a nice number that i can drunk or sober dial from now on. lol. stupid people.. stealing cell phones and dialling numbers. gah.