i believe in you and i, requited
seeing you is
beginning to crush me,
i can only picture this bouquet
and hide my smile
at the sound of you
saying my name;
star wars dvd is out today
lacey made me take ecinacea. i still feel like absolute shit. but there isn’t too much that i can do about it. the ecinacea is making my body want to sleep and stuff so i think i’m going to get going on that. thank god. i haven’t felt this sick for so many consecutive days in a long time. i think i’m on the upswing though. (see also, the economy). w00t. i don’t even know from where this is all coming. i’m sorry for getting all doped up on herbal remedies and hollering at my blog.
one skinnee j
i have a huge crush on j. except i’m pretty sure its not a crush cos i hate that word. i also think that its completely requited. just judging by what he says in his livejournal and stuff esp. after i see him. i don’t really know what to do about it. he’s supposed to be my mentor for fucks sake. but i just want him so badly. and he’s so beautiful. and i think we’d both gain so much. the sexual tension hasn’t reached the point yet that i can’t ignore it but it gets a little bit harder every time we speak and a lot harder every time we see each other. he’s so beautiful and amazing and wonderful and i wish i could just post this out in the open just to see how he’d take it. but instead: we, of course, dance around in our poetry pretending that the meaning isn’t granted, hoping that the other will just come right out and say it. but instead: we hide our meanings in source tags and codes.
in the daytime
i’m kinda tripping on the dxm in my dayquil. w00t w00t.
on this medicine
i become:
low quality
(over the counter,
of course,
just a college kid
with no money
to spend on
under the counter
drugs…
but i have those too)
you,
my friend
are hipster-cool;
i'd like to
memorize
your digits
parce que
ma peau
manque
vos mains,
the shaded truth
she asked me if its okay to want someone else because he's a beautiful poet. she says she wants to know what else love could be. i can't hold my crimes against her. because the more i hear or see the more i crave from you. but you are not succumbing. you are so cryptically silent in all of our verbal dances. i only have the receptors in my body by which to judge this; but, i'm so naturally non-judgmental.
the true story of what was
okay. here goes. last night i was going to go to manhattan. but my breaks started making these horrible grinding sounds on thursday night and i was really freaked out about it so i decided not to go. because i didn’t want to get to like wamego and have my breaks go out and there are so many stoplights between highway 24 and kstate that i figured they probably would or at least i’d be really freaked out driving it. so i made an intelligent decision and didn’t go.
then by the time i got back to the dorms (that decision was made on the way back from WaRu’s debate tournament) i was really sick feeling. but i thought it was just a headache from having to actually think about things in the debate rounds i watched so i just took a shower and then i felt a lot clearer and stuff and so i had colby pick me up and i grabbed daytime (cheap dayquil) capsules and some food and toothpaste at dillons then we went over to his house for a while and watched movies about being emo and listened to the new jimmy eat world cd. (i can’t wait for it to come out!!!)
about 11:40 or so m. called me and so i answered the phone and she was just like “jess i’m really freaking out..” and i asked her what was going on and she said that she’d been taking caffeine pills which she’d told me about earlier that day and i told her to stop doing it but its hard to just stop something i guess.. so i got this call and i googled “nodoz” +”overdose” and asked her about waht symptoms she had via the list and she said that she had most of them except for the really bad ones (ie fever, vommitting, diarrhea) so i was like “well i’ll come get you” and she made me promise her that i would take her back to my dorm and she could “just sleep” cos thats all she wanted to do.
when i got off the phone with her i called poison control. good thing the internet is so damn quick.. and told them what was happening. they said that she had to go to the emergency room given her body weight, age, and how many pills she had taken. so i went and got her from the frat party she was at and was like “we have to go to the emergency room” because she could die and stuff (augh) and she was like “no we’re not going can we have this conversation elsewhere?” so we got in colby’s car and i’d told collby just to drive to the hospital before we even got to m. so he drove us to the hospital and by the time we got there i had convinced her we needed to go.
at the hospital they took her heartrate (139, resting, whoa!) and said that she had to be seen with those symptoms so i called her mom and her mom came down and they finally saw her at like 2 am. and by then her heart had slowed down a little and i guess they gave her some medicine to make her calm down so that she could sleep. and i think that’s probably what she’s doing now.
i’m so glad she’s okay. i don’t know what i’d do without her. and i’m so glad my break pads went out so that i didn’t go to manhattan. i couldn’t live with myself.
ask me about my weekend
i spent from about 11:15 pm till 2 am in the emergency room. long story. i wasn’t the one in need of emergency care though. i think everything will be alright.