Author: Jess

w00t i’m back online. I think for good probably. We just got the internet in the apartment again because Jotto moving out took the internet away. Jerks. Now we’re all set up and i have complete access to all things electronic for a while now. I can’t even explain to you how happy I am. Whee.

That said, living without the internet was kind of cool too. I think Joe and I spent more time just speaking to each other instead of always playing games online and things which was cool and it was nice to not always be wrapped into the internet for the first few weeks of school. It lead to other adaptive things like journalling on paper which is fun cos I can carry my little moleskine notebook everywhere I go and journal whatever I think whenever I think it.

I’m feeling muchos better about debate. I’ve been pretty stable about picking up ballots and breaking and stuff. Now I just need to push myself in to deep outrounds and I have another two years in debate to become the best there ever was. And on the bright side, Washburn has been doing great in addition to me feeling like I really matter to the team. Sweetness. We did lock out our own tournament this weekend in Parli which is sweet but still at least a bit awkward. Luckily no one there minded. And we had fun and plenty of time to watch the superbowl.

How great is it, just to be alive?

okay is one thing i’m not.

i woke up this morning to the news that mckeithan had passed away after a heart attack during the night. i can’t even muster the words to say a prayer. i’m sorry if this is how you’re finding out. please call if you need anything.

i was supposed to go to state with him this weekend. and now i don’t really know that i am. i’m sort of in crazy denial. because mallory called and it just seemed like something someone might dream so it was pretty easy to be in denial about it but then i got a phone call from pam about an hour later and she verified that the news was true so i guess that’s it you know…

man.

and i was supposed to tell him how well i did this weekend and he would’ve been so proud of me because he gets my competitiveness and everything. man. at least he didn’t suffer too much. like, i’m sure it hurt, but i’m also sure that suffering for a long period of time would’ve been worse and he never would’ve wanted that.

i’m so sorry to everyone who loved him like i do. i’m serious about the calling. maybe we could have a felicity marathon. i bet that’s what he’d want us to do.

who would object to my naming my daughter Salome? Sort of after Tom Robbins. Sort of after the words meaning peace. Sort of after beauty. Here’s to ascetics. Here’s to a new year. Cheers.

i’ve been learning to knit. it fucking sucks. but i kinda like it because it’s challenging and i don’t just know how to do it. it’s kind of frustrating and i’ve had to re-cast my yarn about 1,000 times but that’s alright because i’m good at casting and i can do it pretty quickly. i’m not as good at knitting knit stitches though. first i got one and then forgot how i did it so i had to start over. then i repeated the same mistake. then i got two in a row and then fux0red the cast-on for the next stitch. finally i got 3 in a row and now i’m at like several in a row on that needle. uggh.

i should’ve bought a lighter color of yarn. but this pink-green-purple-teal-navy color would be so nice. uggh.

joe and i had a fight via email while he was at work today. i feel like these pills make it impossible to be happy. i’ll be really excited when i can start the adderall next week hopefully it will cancel out this feeling.

The title is a reference to both the book Jane Eyre and the song by S&G. The misnomer is intentional.

It’s been an interesting day, young lady bugs*. I went out with Jarred McDaniel last night afterwork. We went to IHOP and I was unseasonably mean about the waitress. Well, I wasn’t mean but she kept coming to the table and I kept forgetting to look at the menu and it turned into a ruckus so finally I just said that i wanted a short stack and ended up ordering that +2 eggs which ended up being “over hard” because that was the first egg word i thought of. I think we should invent new words for eggs. like “eggs hippopotamus” which would be joe and my favorite kind of eggs because, c’mon. we love us some hippos. anyway. we were there for approx 2 hours chatting about life and catching up on all of our best stories, twas nice to see him.

I got home late. like 3:30. and started learning how to knit (a quest for knitting supplies was the second part of our journey). i can do a long tail cast on now. but that’s all. i just can’t figure out the stitching. i think it’s cos one of the steps seems to be kinda skipped in the video that she does. whaaa. so if anyone knows how to knit and wants to teach ms jess yr talents… lemme know. i’d be delighted.

i woke up at 9 because i needed to take my car in.. which reminds me that mom called me a little bitch last night. graaaah. and i don’t even know why or why i deserved it at all!! and then i hung up on her and she called back and was upset some more. but i did what i was supposed to do today so i just wish she’d apologize. turns out her friends best friend died and she had to talk to lisa who is her best-friend-turned-enemy. who is guessing that is what it is? me. that’s who. anyway. the windshield wipers got fixed for free. which is awesome, awesome news.

i got home and took my mood stabilizer. it made me sleep. for about 3 hours. in this really knocked out groggy “Whoa!” sleep. but i had a very long dream about being at this festival that was like an anniversary party for someone and it was also kind of like an independent film festival and i ate gelatin knowingly (or was about to) and pete and george were there and i think josée may have been off in the peripheral but i didn’t actually talk to her. and i defended the legitimacy of the catholic church. BIZARRE!

so i woke up and my car was done and barbi came and we went to pick up my car and then i treated her to goodcents since she drove all over topeka just to take me to my car. i also got to talk to pete this evening which is strange because i’ve talked to him twice since I left poland and this time just happened to be like the one time that i also had a dream that included him in it today. sooo strange. but i guess that’s how collective conciousness works.

i don’t think i like the new medicine. my body/brain wanted to have a manic episode on my way into work but instead it got very discouraged by the mood stabilizers and i just had a depressive episode instead. so here i am kind of sad.

i’ve had an epiphany. no, really. i don’t think i believe in the past or the future anymore. There is only right now. i’ll explain it later.

*note: lady bug is the language of the revolution. all of the men are ladies. whee.

do you ever find yourself asking what time is the best time to start yr mood stabilizers? the answer= NEVER!!!! Mwah-hahaha. In actuality, I’m starting them tomorrow. ah man. i just remembered that work is gonna be busy and suck a lot tonight. so i cant’ start them today because i almost recanted on my earlier idea. dammit. someday, jess, someday. i’m in a weird mood.