Author: Jess

i heard Bitch by meredith brooks last night on the radio when i was coming back from walmart and it was awesome. excellent song. i dont’ think i’ve heard it since 6th grade or so so getting to listen to it again was absolutely fantastically amazing. then i made/ate mac-n-cheese and engaged in nerdiness.

while watching futurama:
car salesman on futurama: you’ll always feel like a man in the falconcougar thunderfox
jess: whoa. sounds like the new version of firefox.
::giggles::
jess: dammit. dork.

that’s about all of my day. everyone else has had more sex than me:check it out

i dream about you again, this time i drive to see you and find you laying on your dorm floor with short hair and you kiss me like you’re so excited to see me.

so everyone knew i couldn’t stay away for long. I became a debater at wu this week. i’m not really sure how it happened. one minute i was sitting on a bench talking to Steve and then he was like “Well i have to go to a forensics meeting” and then i was like “well i’ve been meaning to talk to them about joining the squad so i’ll follow you…” next thing i know BAM debater.

the process was actually much slower. i shall summarize in my acclaimed nonfiction “How to Make Jess a debater.”

1. I loved debating in high school and worked with sarah who debates at WU and always talked about how great it was.

2. When I got to college, all of my new friends were debaters and i liked them a whole lot and always hung out with them. plus peer pressure works and they all did it all the time. like whoa.

3. Ryan always tried to harass me to become a debater because he wanted a parli colleague or something and he’s ryan so i guess that’s it. he can be pretty persuasive.

4. I really missed having a family of people that claimed me. even though sometimes they don’t claim me because i’m radical. rawwwr.

5. When i realized I wasn’t qualified for the speakoff I went to go talk to them about whether i was or not and the coaches were like “no. yo’ure not. but you should debate for us come in sometime after class.”

6. It was revealed to me on a shopping adventure that S&K was dealing women’s suits!

7. I talked to Joe and brandon and they were like “you should debate.”

8. I talked to Ryan and Jackie about it and they were like “you should debate.”

9. I was sitting on a bench with steve and then decided to follow him to the meeting.

10. I talked to Kevin and he said to watch the round.

11. I watched the round and Kevin and i talked.

12. He said “money money money money money money money.” but in fewer words.

13. I said “i want to debate.”

14. I became a debater.

15. my colleague for parli is sarah and i’m supposed to have an LD Aff by break.

16. rock on.

let’s just talk about what matters about my preview. Last monday night, i went out with will and lacey to see the movie alfie. it was excellent. i was expecting a nice break from indie films with a romantic comedy. but what i got actually had some depth when you get down to it. and it was really well acted and well written. i had a kickass time. and it was nice to hang out with someone that i don’t usually hang out with, i.e. will and lately even laceroo.

after the movie will suggested that we go out to see the aurora borealis cos you could allegedly see it from north topeka that night. so i agreed to go with him and lacey went back to campus cos she had post-movie plans. thus we trudged out to north topeka and found this spot at like 65th and nickel road and parked his car and i laid on the side of the road and looked at the stars and felt so insignificant. it was the most amazing feeling. like everything is so much bigger than me and i am whole and one with everything and yet still seperate. the most amazing brain-high. where everything feels like it will be completley okay if only because none of it matters. amazing. we laid in front of his car on a blanket for a while so that we wouldn’t get hit and could have a good view on a flat surface. toward the end we could kind of see the northern lights but after how beautiful the stars had been, not seeing the northern lights wasn’t too big of a disappointment.

then, we went to lola’s because they had a bathroom and morgan was just getting off work so we said we’d pick her up out back at 11:00 when she was finally off and then we left to go back to campus and grab my jacket. so we did that and then we picked up morgan and went out north on rochester, around 70th i think, and sat on the side of the road and talked about so many different things. and this time i fel so important. like i mattered so much and everything mattered so much. but still, everything would be okay. another excellent time under the stars.

post-star-gazing we went to IHOP and i returned home at approx 2 am. class at 10. oops.

in order of how happy they made me:
–went stargazing twice with new friends
–class being soo cancelled
–listened to the female empowerment mix
–found madeline’s new journal
–woke up to dash playing for no reason on the cd player this morning
–fighting with j

last week was too stressful. so i took a renewal weekend. but let’s work out the stressful part first. i think i’d be at least relatively better feeling if i did that. first there was tons of drama on the personal life front. i don’t really know what it was about but for some reason last week just felt like a good week to not get along with anyone. then, the elections occured. although the elections around here mostly went D. the local ones. national went waaaaay R. which is so unfortunate. but you know, it happens. and i think that there is very little that our government does that is not undoable so i don’t worry about it too much. just prepare for protests against the patriot act II. if it happens. for that matter i should be protesting patriot act I. still. i don’t know. i’ve came around about the election a lot. i woke up wednesday a libertarian. although i’ve talked myself back to mostly lefty. w00t. go jess.

now, on top of all of this election madness, i worked 17 hours. went to class for 16 hours (woops slept through french class make that 15) and had a test monday a speech due tuesday (that i did thursday but turned in on time) a book review due thursday and a paper due friday (that got pushed back to monday but nonetheless got worked on a lot over the week). so i was wee bit stressed out about all of that. thus i deducted that this weekend was the end of all of the shit and i’d just wade it out until friday at noon.

so friday at noon i went and worked through my social problems (muchos better) and then i went out for lunch at chilis and had veg fajitas that they tried to sneak meat into (those bastards!) and we made fun of our waitress cos she wasn’t nice to us until she brought the tip. what a fuck. then i took a short nap before heading to lawrence.

in lawrence, i picked amelia up at Lewis then we went to dinner at chipotles where i didn’t eat but i did have lots of lemon water (cutting back on the soda). it was yummy. and she finished her burrito. which is impressive. but its light rice so the girl was totally cheating. we went out last weekend too (did i blog about that? no.) it’s been really nice hanging out with her again. we really did have an awesome friendship till we let ourselves get in the way of it. so i’m glad that everything is all worked out now and we can just be friends the way we’re supposed to be. because it really is so much better this way. and i have a really great time with her.

post-chipotle it was off to see I Heart Huckabees with J. that movie rocked my world. it was no Garden State, mind you, but it was really fuckin good. and all of the existentialism in it was amazing as well. plus an amazing cast equals good movie. i love jason schwarzman to bits. i’d totally try to make babies with him.

j and i walked back to his car and then i wandered alone on mass (at like 9pm) i ended up in the dusty bookshelf where i bought the book Lost In Translation because i’ve been meaning to buy/read it and it was like 5 dollars which is cheap in comparison to list price. hrm. it was a grand adventure. and i had portishead to listen to the same time which made it soo much more cool. i really really love that album (Dummy). fun stuff. so i wandered back to my car and went to tutus where i crashed until he got home then we talked to his date and watched some dawn of the dead before going to sleep for the night.

somehow, amelia managed to suck me into judging ottawa so i did that this morning and then i went out with lacey and had yummy thai food and a great rewnewing experience. in gap, no less. i was standing there and realized that there was absolutely nothing that i did not want. not to mention there was very little that i have that i wished to keep. i think i’m going to clean out my drawers and try to get rid of some things. and i’d like to turn some old jeans into a skirt. cos thats way too much fun not to do. you know? of course.

the drive home from lawrence was exceptionally beautiful with the orange sunset touching everything and making it gold. it was fantastic. i wish i could explain it.

(i keep thinking of all these things i want to show pat when he comes and it makes me glad that i met him because he really made me see kansas for the beauty that its nature possesses).
Read More