Author: Jess

i actually really like that song, but don’t tell anyone. SHH! i think i just like it because we listened to it on the way back from the CFL qualifier and i sang along and I took first place when qualifying to nationals that day and so its all attached to good memories. i guess. i’m really looking forward to this summer, specifically next week because i get to do nothing and then i go away and i will do something and that will be sad. but you know, working full weeks will be good for my bank account if not my morale and ability to work long amounts of time.

i saw madeline at prom. i don’t really know what to think about any of it. i guess its still just hard because most of what she says when she sees me is right and then i feel bad because i know that seeing me (really seeing each other) makes both of us sad for the rest of the night (or maybe just me) and now i really don’t know what to think or say about any of it. but i don’t want to do what i always do (which would be to just not think or say anything instead just pretending it didn’t happen.)

i guess she meant i should when she said fuck the world.

i’m mid-prom festival. jarod looks really nice in his tux. and our pink flowers match perfectly and were worth the extra drive for the discount.. we ate at shogun which was really delicious. and the most wonderful thing happened..

this guy picked up our tab. like all six of us. he’d been kind of talking with us throughout the dinner and he’d said something about how he didn’t get to go to his prom but he always wished he had. he warned us to be safe and not to drink and drive or have sex or anything. and told a story about someone he knew who’d gotten into a lot of trouble because he got drunk at afterprom. then, when the meal was over the waitress came by and said “that man over there said that he would be picking up all of your tabs and not to worry about it” so we’re all just completely dead silent. like dead silent. and jarod had been in the bathroom so he comes back and he was like “why are all of you so quiet over here” (i think the phrase that he used was stone silent) and i was like “that guy said he’s buying our dinners” so then the guy was just like “sometimes funny things happen”. it was a really wonderful moment. more later.

lol. i do hereby promise to never title another entry that ever again. sometimes people need to be obnoxious about things.

i think i got a web-gig or 2 worked out. the first is the Capital City Clash website. that will be occuring on October 2nd downtown and i really want that to get worked out soon because i need time for nationals and such and i guess i could do that in salt lake but i wasn’t planning on taking the computer there. also, i’ll be doing the Another Roadside attraction website. and that one has a deadline: may 20. so that’s the thursday after i graduate which is 2 weeks from y esterday and that should be plenty of time i think i’m going to go home and get started on it and see if i can at least come up with a really fucking awesome idea for what the site should look like.. i heart those boys so hardcore.

also, i need to get the shins album when i get off from school because i really liked all that i heard of it. hooray.

prom is tomorrow (see also: title entry). we have reservations at Shogun at 6 and we’re taking pix at the capitol at 5. so that will be a stellar adventure for jarod and i. i don’t know. its prom so i hate getting upset about it and i always kind of figured i’d be going with madeline so odds are i’ll be obsessing over that at some point. also because her prom is in the same hotel/building. i don’t know. i’m a little weirded out by the whole thing. but i just want to have a good time. and that’s all i care about.

3 weeks and i’ll be in boston.

i don’t really like “having a life” more than i did maintaining the website. it will be nice when its summer and i at least have nights and weekendishness off. even if i will be working a lot of overtime. i’m tired of stressing about finals and AP tests etc and i just want to get to college and start doing things there. overall though, i’d day i’m doing pretty well.

i took 4th in the state IX tournament yesterday. which i’m not happy with but i guess is hould be. i’m just upset with myself because I did not speak to the best of my ability. oh well, there’s always nationals right? ::stresses::

so. i had weird dreams last night. i don’t really know how to explain it because i don’t want to say who the person was but i dreamt that i kissed someone at prom that i don’t believe anyone would be happy if i kissed. i mean. argh. it was just strange. we were in the bathroom and i just walked up to her and said hi and kissed her and the whole time i was like “its just a kiss hello” and it seemed so completely excusable because everyone kisses everyone hello and i felt like i was completely different from everyone in the world because i felt weird about it. but i don’t really know what to make of it today. because it wasn’t anyone that i would see in the bathroom at my prom and as her prom was last night i believe that i didn’t see her their either. i guess it was just a strange dream. but hrm. i feel remorseful. i feel relieved it only happened in a dream. i feel like i should be able to easily apply this to my actual life. but, alas, i can’t.

i feel like i want to fix my goddamn laptop.

i also dreamt that i was dating gabe again, i think. i don’t know. it was some sort of gabe-thomas combination which would be incredibly insane as i don’t think there is even one part of them that is remotely similar. ..maybetheirviewofawomensrole.. and i guess that could be enough. it was sort of a strange dream. mostly just hanging out at this house with a curvy steep driveway.

does anyone have a keen sense of dream interpretation? shrug.

i’m thinking about making chaostasis.net into chaostasis networks and having it be a feminist power website type place, but i’m not sure. i’d still host blog sites (including my own). but i can’t decide if i’d have enough information to make any sort of a website that wasn’t just links.. maybe i’ll start a subdomain and see if i can build it up… maybe first i should find the time.

so i guess i’ve been out for a while. man. it seems like i’m nothing but really incredibly busy. i guess that that happens second semester of senior year but i really wish that i had more time for things. i think i’m going to code some tonight (mostly to make sure i haven’t forgotten how, lol). its insane.

i made a college decision. which includes actually withdrawing funds from other universities. I plan to be a Philosophy, Political Science major with a minor in Womens’ Studies. I also plan on checking out the actual process of acheiving that (last i remember it wasn’t so bad) from the university. oh yah, i’ll be attending Washburn University in the fall. I think it will be good for me. i’m going to live on campus and get really involved. i’m looking into Unity Coalition, Alpha Phi, and then the Leadership Institute of course and probably the honors’ program. we’ll see. i’m super excited about it though. its mostly just really nice to know where i’m going to be next year. argh. it took me damn near long enough.

furthermore, state forensics is this weekend. nationals in boston is at the end of may and nationals in salt lake is in the middle of june. i think i’ll want all of the breaks when they come. despite their complete lack in breakness.

i also got the 40+, mandatory overtime, $7.50 an hour (time and half after 40 hrs in a week) job i applied for. do i not sound excited about it? shrug. itll be a fun job (elections office) i just don’t like the drive. but the money will be good and i get new suits and i think it will be an all around good time. dance dance. it’ll be nice to have money too. lol.

well i’m off to start toying at a redesign. shrug. we’ll see what gets churned out. i’m leaning towards corals and blacks. !! augh. splat.