Author: Jess

i think i need to blog more. its like i never just pour out how i feel: so here goes. i feel like i’ve been way to wrapped up in myself and commitments i don’t care about. i need to start focusing on what I want to do. and that’s be there for my friends; talk to madeline more; prep for state IX; prep for nationals extemp; read more about civil disobedience/prep for national LD; read more of my feminist propaghands; decide where to go to college.

emphasis on the decide where to go to college. i think it might be washburn. they’ll put me close enough for local internships, i can maintain relationships with the people i need to be here for (devon/mallory) and i can still get a good education for free. just what i want. hooray. i was thinking maybe i could take summer or night courses in russian from KU or something and that would take care of my lack of Russian problem. i just really want to learn the language :-/

today jarod and i went to the bookstore (i dragged the poor kid along) and i got 4 new books of feminist propaghanda to keep me busy for the next few weeks… Our American Sisters: Women in American Life and Thought by Jean E. Friedman and William G. Shade (50% off 50 cents), A History of Women in America by Carol Hymowitz and Michael E. Weissman (50 cents), The American Woman: Her Changing Social, Economic, and Political Roles 1920-1970 by William H. Chafe (50 cents), History of Ideas on Woman: A Source Book by Rosemary Agonito ($1). the last books is a collection of philosophical writings on the role of women. how much fun is that? i’m so excited to crack into them.

i qualified in lincoln-douglas today because Ryan double qualled and chose OO so that moved Sarah into a qual position in DX which moved me into a qual position in LD. so that’s the long harebrained process but I’m convinced (out of sheer arrogance) that i deserve to go. so i’m excited that i’m now in a position that provides for that opportunity. whee. Dance dance dance.

also, i received (i think) and additionl 3500 grand from Washburn today which means i’ll probably be going to school there. i kinda might not live on campus though. i don’t know. its so expensive for not having your own fucking shower. lol. perhaps i could find alright apartments in the area. hm. shrug. i guess it depends on if i want to work or not.

i’ve been officially recorded as the student of the month without joe’s name on the board. i don’t know if its cos he didn’t show up or what but its exciting. i’m hella-hardcorely excited. i’ll post a picture on the site later. maybe.

ps. whatever happened to my photolog?
pps. i’m pretty sure i deserve to be alone.
ppps. why can’t i just figure shit out? wtf.

Jess
Commencement Speech
April 15, 2004

Stop. Don’t think about your first day of Kindergarten, or the first day of any succeeding grades. Don’t think about tomorrow or the day after. Don’t think about where or if you’re going to college. Don’t think about what career you are or will be entering eventually. Instead, I want you to think about this morning.
What is the first thought that entered your mind when you awoke?
Perhaps, ?I’m terrified?. Or maybe, ?Wow! It’s finally here!? Or even, ?Will I really be able to get my hair and make-up ready by four o’clock this afternoon?? Only you know what you’re exact thoughts were when you rolled out of bed this morning, but one thing is for sure: until right now, you were waiting for this moment. And, you will probably remember this for a long time to come as well.
One of the memories that I have carried with me and will continue to use in my day-to-day life surrounds the final round at the State Debate championship. I was standing outside of the round waiting for a pep-talk from our coach, Mr. McKeithan. Finally, he appeared at the end of the hallway and approached Joe Eisenbarth and I with the same determined look we always got before a high-stakes round.
I expected to hear a repeat of the speech we?d heard before Quarters and Sims, but instead, McKeithan said something I didn?t expect. He looked at me as I twirled my hair, bit my nails, and engaged in any of a number of nervous habits and said, ?Jess, you?ve made it to finals at the state debate tournament. You?ve earned this. Just debate well and have fun. Enjoy the day.?
McKeithan had told me to ?enjoy the day? many times before, mostly when I was worrying about something I had no control over, but it wasn?t until we were outside the final debate round of 2003-2004 school year in the state of Kansas that I truly understood what he meant. There are some moments or times in our lives that are just our goals as people: To make it to finals in a State tournament, to make it to the post-season in any sport, to get all A?s on your last grade card, to pass Chemistry, to graduate. We?ve worked for this.
And now, we truly understand what it means to ?live for the moment? or ?enjoy the day.?
Too often, we get caught up on what went wrong in the past or what will be better in the future and we forget to spend time just paying attention to how lucky we are to have made it to this moment. I challenge you, right now, to stop thinking about the past and the future and just enjoy this moment. When you realize what enjoying the day feels like, do it more often. Don?t spend tomorrow thinking about today or spend tomorrow wondering about the day after that. Sit back, relax, and enjoy what?s happening around you.
Class of 2004, I leave you with the best advice I?ve received and the most important lesson I?ve learned in all of high school. ?Enjoy the Day. You?ve earned it.?

i don’t know what school i’m going to still although i am apparently getting a bigger scholarship at washburn so i think i might just end up there. i also have an appointment at KU at 10am tomorrow and i’m meeting dr. farley at 3:30. so hopefully by the end of the day i’ll know what college i’m going to and i can get it all worked out and then be ready to move there next year. i’m not really sure where i want to go or what i plan on doing. but i’m excited about some of it. i think.

easter was strange. the uncles death was kind of looming and everyone just seemed weird.