i got to see p-money today. he was in from seattle and i went to visit him at pts. it was fun. i wish he and i would have some time to just hang out the two of us.. i needed some phil. he’s so wonderful-spontaneous. which is good (once in a while).
i’m totally drained but i really wanted to write about the dream i had on wednesday night. i dreamt that i got a letter from michelle. in the dream i could see the letter in front of my face and then i could kind of see michelle’s face but it was all transparent-ish. michelle was reading the letter to me, it was her voice, and she was just saying that everything was okay and i didn’t need to worry. it was an amazing dream. i guess that tim had a similar dream (about her saying everything was okay) a few days ago. i woke up and panicked cos mom woke me up in the middle and tried to go back to sleep but then when i did actually come to i realized how nice it was to have that comforting feeling that she’s okay. like i can let go now and know that she’s alright.
points of clarification: i did not break today because i spend to much time doing shit i don’t care about and not enough time perfecting forensics. but whatever. i’ll fix it.
i found a wonderful chinese restaurant. its the best kind where no one speaks much english and the woks are basically open face and its just wow. its very very hardcore. for $5.50 ($4.50 at lunchtime) they give you a box and anything you can fit in it from the buffet is yours to eat. or you can do all-you-can-eat-in plate style for the same price. oh my gosh. its was fucking amazing. and the food was really yummy too. mm. crab rangoon + spring rolls + veg. lo mein + beef and peppers = jex0r is a happy girl.
nominate a poem! i encourage everyone to go through my poetry and prose site and nominate or select a poem or short prose piece for me to use in a scholarship. it should be not obviously about my sexuality. otherwise have fun looking. just comment and leave the name of the poem and whether its poetry or prose. thanks.
that jeremiah was a bullfrog song just came on in my brothers room. he’s singing along. lol he’s so cute. it reminds me of the time devon, mom, and i were driving max to colby, kan. and that song came on and we all screamed it loudly and i was driving on i70 in construction in the rain. hm. fun memory.
note: if who was anyone, it was benjamin gibbard or whoever the fuck he was singing about in that song. dammit.
i kind of feel like i can’t say anything in here without people questioning what its about. most of the time what i write is about a collection of people or in the case of yesterday, no one at all. i’m not willing to justify every other entry in the damn blog and if people have a problem or a question about it there is a better place to contact me than my comments. try the email link (click my name at the bottom of the entries). christ. it’s a fucking journal. read the damn disclaimer if you have a problem with it. and if you really have a problem with it i can always block your ip so you can’t find anything to have a problem with anymore. its my fucking journal. the whos don’t matter. and generally they’re nonexistent.
i’m pretty tired today. i worked until like 11:00 last night and then i asked “do you think anything else will happen here tonight?” and they said no so i asked if i could leave and i got to which was kinda nice. even if it was just an extra half-hour of sleep.. its still an extra half hour. my sleep wasn’t very good either i had a bad nightmare that i cried myself awake from. it was awful. i dreamt that mom and dad drowned muffin for almost no reason. like i woke up before they even offered one. it was terrible. and then the dogs were all worried about me because i made the yelping noise. i’m glad they care.
i had to wake up at 5:30 (mom decided). she came into my room at 5:47 jess’ room time which is like 5:40 normal time and demanded that i wake up so that i could take a shower and be at this thing i had at washburn at 7am. damn! i was so tired i could barely stand it and i kept trying to go back to sleep and she just kept waking me up.. i finally got up a few minutes before my alarm went off (6:12a JRT) pish. then i went to my meeting and it was interesting. it was like the intergovernmental council or something and mathes (superintendent) was there and he (apparently) doesn’t know me. so we were going around the circle introducing ourselves at our little table and i said that i was a student at our highschool and a member of youth court. right after i introduce myself he leans over and is like “did she just say she went to our school?!” and the board member also from my district was next to him and said “yah she’s the one that won the debate tournament this year” and then about 20 minutes later or so he was like “well as you can probably see why i’d just like to mention that jess here won the state debate tournament this year” and then he winked at me. what a fuck. why doesn’t he get to know the students before he makes an ass of himself.. again? i swear. the people at K-state know me better than this guy and they’ve introduced themselves to me 9 times, at least. people are such asses these days.
elle ne m’aime pas, elle ne m’aime pas, elle ne m’aime pas, elle ne m’aime pas: the words will resonate in your brain, reverberating in the silent hollows of your sadness until you start to believe its true; when you look in the mirror of my eyes and see your face, you’ll know i always did. i hope i make you eat your words: swallow, choke.
the tournament went pretty well. i wouldn’t say it was awesome, but hey its over and we survived. we didn’t have too many problems (asside from second round) at the judges table. i’m just impressed that such a small squad handled the two divisions as well as we did. yay for us.
i was doing research for my paper on the beat generation. right now my topic is the beats influence on homosexuality and it rocks. but anyway. i was reading about the beats generally and it was talking about relationships.. romantic and otherwise and it was all about how relationships are just important for that moment. and its just a collection of dialogues between many different people at many different times. really, its what i think relationships are. and it gives me/others more opportunity to change than by defining a relationship the typical way. i don’t know. i just found it interesting. i heart the beats. i really wish i was one. or at least banged one. yum.
if i could define myself in my teeth,
row by row;
like so many pieces of spinach
as i’m tearing into your flesh
and ripping you apart.
where you end i begin.
where you end i begin.
my face and eyes tell no story.
incisors, molars, wisdom teeth,
and i’m just bones.
so hollow.
where you end i begin.
where you end i begin.
come fill me in.
Student Activities :: Student Organization Directory
apparently creighton does have a gsa. which makes me a little less worried about going there and getting kicked out for being a dyke. lol. not that i’m that dykey. but still. id hate for their to be a scandal. god bless the catholics for being progressive.
