Category: Journal

Today, I feel poetic more than I feel like someone who journals, but maybe it’s not a bad day to do a little journalling. I went by the history department today to get the website on Anne’s computer. I spent about two hours talking to Bearman and some to Prasch. I mentioned that I had a website or had been keeping one for four years and Prasch asked to see it so I showed it to him. Then, as they were looking, I realized how open-book I keep my life. I mean, my life is an open book whether I write it on the internet or not because I’ll tell anyone my life story.

My life story today is boring. I watched Kinsey at midnight with Mle and Joe. I slept through too much of it and want to see it again. I think I liked it a lot. And I don’t really care if it glorifies Kinsey because whether or not his studies were accurate or whatever, he’s pretty important to me because he helped me feel legitimate in my feelings and sometimes I needed that. I also think Laura Linney is very pretty and especially in that movie. I like the way her voice sounds. I’d like to hear her in a debate round, sometime. I bet I’d GDS like whoa.

I slept through my 9 am class and my tutoring hour. Oops. But I woke up in such a wonderfully refreshed mood that I didn’t even care. And Anne was gone, so I guess no one really noticed. Except probably they did.

Right now, I’m listening to Bob Dylan’s Biograph. I wish I’d thought up the name “Biograph” for a three disk series of songs about my life. That would be pretty nice.

I’ve decided to have a lunch for the debaters on the 29th. It’s International Hug a Vegetarian Day. And that’s pretty effin worth cooking some delicious vegetarian soup. Now, I just have to decide what makes the best “welcome to fall” soup. Is it fall now? I think so. How crazy.

Jarred is in Kuwait. Which means not in Iraq. Which means alive. I feel like this huge weight of worry will be removed from my shoulders the second I know he’s back in the United States. He said he’ll call me. I’m totally gonna answer the phone. I hope.

So sorry I haven’t been updating, but perhaps noticably, my layout was all terrible at www.chaostasis.net when I uploaded it and I didn’t have the time to fix it… I didn’t know it would react so terribly to the long code until it was too late and then I couldn’t make it work. What a terrible thing to have happen. :-/ Urgh.

Life’s been pretty good. I went to Lola’s today and Yankee Hotel Foxtrot was playing and I decided that maybe I sorta kinda like the album, even though it does definitely make me all melancholy. They’re sort of undeniably a decent band. I think I like Son Volt best though. Of that genre. Well and the Old 97s but I don’t even like to classify those bands near each other because I dont’ love them as much.

I did well in debate this weekend. I was pretty proud of the outcomes. Now we have work assignments that have to be up by Jewell and I don’t even know when we leave for the tournament so augh. Maybe I’ll be able to work Friday night? I doubt it. But wouldn’t it be nice?

Tyler was convinced to go shopping with me yesterday so I could cook for the kids. We had shrimp fried rice (homemade), hibachi-style tofu (lemon and soy, oh yum!) and vegetable dumplings cooked in Oriental ramen broth. It was pretty delicious and there was enough variety to keep me very happy. Now I have lots of dishes to do but I’ll get that all taken care of and everything will be quite grand.

Postscript, I hate my leadership class and am really glad that I still get to see Shaw on the circuit this year.

Oh man. So I’m on so many drugs to make me happy it’s kinda crazy but I think it’s working. i almost had a panic attack about an hour ago but that was because of this crazy assignment we have in leadership and my inability to come up with a viable change project. maybe i’ll think of one soon? I mean, really, what SHOULD change… and what do we have the time to change? that is the question.

I’m drinking Chai at lola’s before meeting Jarod for lunch. or in his case seventh-dinner because he hasn’t slept in like a few days or something. What a crazy thing to have happen. I’m not really sure why he’s not sleeping… but there is probably a good reason. I hope.

So I’ve been drinking this Chai throughout my morning at the coffee shop. And I look over at it (i’m outside) and can see that I’ve probably drank about a half inch of my 20 oz chai. How is this even possible? How is it that I haven’t managed to put more of a dent in this drink? Awesome.

The question of the day is: should i fill my adderral Rx or not this morning?

Tonight, I lost my cellphone. I made the mistake of telling Dave Thoman that i lost it and having hm call my phone. When he found out that it was on silent he decided to take the opportunity to call me and leave messages until I found it. He left 20 messages. Awesome. It took me 15 minutes to listen to them. But that’s because 10 messages in I decided I should transcribe them:

Message 1: I’m assuming you have misplaced yr cellphone. Sorry.

Message 2: We’re going to play a game it’s called Jess has lost her phone and Dave’s going to call it as many times as he can for the next four hours because he’s at work and has nothing else to do and Jess is going to have to go through her voicemail and erase every single message. Are you excited? Cos I am.

Message 3: Voice mail number 3.

Message 4: 4.

Message 5: Cincoooooooooooooooooooooo!

Message 6: Rooookuuuu

Message 7: Okay so really there are only three languages I can count in one of them being English. Seven.

Message 8: (Pause) Um. It beeps and tells me to leave a message 35 seconds into the phone call so I no longer have to turn the speaker phone on in order to know when to talk I can just wait till it says 35 seconds and then speak although it’s nice to have this sound so if I’m looking away, perhaps doing something on the computer, reading, doing homework, or maybe even my job i’ll know when to speak. Message eight. Over and out.

Message 9: I’m having way to much fun with this.

Message 10: I don’t know if way to much fun is the correct phrase so much as a really pathetic amount of fun. I don’t know.

Message 11: That last message wasn’t very well thought out at all probably been sending an increasing amount or level of messages on facebook. i’m getting excited.

Message 12: No Honestly this is getting pretty pathetic.

Message 13: I really like the idea of Dick Cheney pouring over my phone bill and reading my list of outgoing ingoing and missed calls and this being like fifteen calls twelve o’clock at night. what the fuck.

Message 14: I’ve been trying to count money or change and make messages at the same time and the fact that i can’t count period and then i’m distracted has really exacerbated the fact that i am constantly getting money wrong at the front desk.

Message 15: Fuck. I just had to recount the nickels.

Message 16: I don’t know if when you listen to voicemails the order they come in if its in chronological order or if its backwards but i really like the idea of it being backwards because then you’re just going to be like what the fuck i mean you’re probably going to be like what the fuck anyway when you get all of these but you know it would just add another element to it.

Message 17: Hey. Just calling seeing what you were doing. If you have anything exciting going on tonight. Call me back later. Bye.

Message 18: Hey! What did the big firecracker say to the smaller fire cracker? My pop is bigger than yrs.

Message 19: Tastes like v e g. That’s no good. Alright well I’m going to take apart the room looking for my celly phone. See ya. I wonder if you find yr celly phone before voicemail number 19.

Message 20: I have a paper due tomorrow morning. Actually, this morning. and I can totally see it not getting done and this being the reason why.

—End—

Chronologically this would be first, but one reads a really mopey entry so I’m going to enslave myself to blog laws of traffic and put this last:

Well. My weekend has sucked. Until today. I’ve been too depressed to drink (not that that matters but I was planning on going out to parties both Friday Night and last night and I didn’t even make it to the parking Saturday and on Friday night i wanted to forget everything that happened the hour before so bad that I decided maybe drinking just wasn’t for me.) Long story short: my mom and brother haven’t been getting along and friday night, my brother broke his leg. Oh my oh my. Nothing to make a tense situation worse than locking them in the same house together by virtue of their habits or their now-broken-legs. So hopefully things get worked out there. And maybe this will be okay. Who knows.

I prayed about it. And that turned out pretty well. Mass was really good. One of those masses where everything just seemed to be directed at me, I have a lot of those. I also weep a lot during mass, but i’ve decided just to accept that. Today the songs were two about the beatitudes (both the recessional and the processional). And offering was something I really like but now don’t remember… something about God leading us wherever we go… and communion was “I know you are near”. The message was very “God works miracles when you stay out of the way.” Which I think I needed to hear. I’ve been putting too much stress on myself because of these family problems. And maybe it’s time that I just pray about it.

returned to class and work today. so far everyone really likes my hair, although i’m sure that people who don’t like it wouldn’t actually tell me they hate it. except my mom and probably that timothy leffert boy. I really love it though. Bearman isn’t speaking to me because I missed his class the other day when I was sick. Lol. He also petted my head and mussed my hair all up. How awesome. Shelley, his wife, and Cara and I have all gotten haircuts in the past few days. This has to be throwing him off a lot.

Leadership was pretty good. Sam made cookies for Forbachs birthday and they were really delicious but I probably should’ve only eaten a half of a cookie instead of a whole one cos it made me pretty sick to my stomach. Turns out jess’s belly wants more food than just some coke and mucus drainage. What weird demands.

I had a good talk with Dr. Wynn during my tutoring hour today, I really like her a whole lot. We just talked about feminism and women’s history and all that. She said she’ll give me e-mail addresses and connections to the world of African History. Whee. How fun!

Today has been the day of surprised children. It’s kinda scary, really. I found out that both Chelsea from my high school and Nate, who I used to date… have now had children. That’s two kids that I was basically completely unaware of. I think it all really just caught me off guard. Kids are so… I don’t know. Something I’m just flatout not ready for. It makes me happy that I’m not taking my chances, though I’m really excited for the people I know who had them and I really hope that things are going well in their lives with their new children… and I respect that they kept them/at least did not abort them.

I got my hair cut today. I started feeling better mostly this morning as all I had that was really bothering me was a migraine and then the migraine went away after I finally convinced myself to take some medicine in the afternoon. So I’m feeling pretty good. And I went in for my scheduled hair cut at 5:30 and now my hair is all short and fantastic. I took in a picture of Maggie Gyllenhaal to sorta show her what I wanted and then we talked about how that would work out on my head and had a good talk about it. So we decided to go with a little bit longer cut because I have so much more hair and I didn’t want a helmet-type head shape. She cut it with some layers underneath and it turned out really cute. I even have a little bit of bangs now. Awwweeeessssooommme! Haircuts are so effing liberating. I love it!

I’m only updating because I feel slightly obligated to because I haven’t in what I feel is a really long time. It’s morning on a Thursday and I’m sick and watching ER. One of the worst Tuesdays of my life evolved into these ridiculous two days of just being sick and watching TV. I had a cold after the royals-yankees game Monday night when I woke up Tuesday I was mostly miserable so I went to class. Then I got to work and found out that I couldn’t work because I don’t have keys to the offices. Luckily, I didn’t feel well anyway so I just went back to the apartment (Joe had my car). Unluckily, I didn’t have access to the appartment because Joe also had my keys. I walked to World Cup and had some Chai and eventually Mle gave me a ride to Joe to get my keys. Then I found out I still had to walk home so I called mom to bitch about what had been a terrible day and then I got to the apartment and slept until it was time for me to go to my History tutoring job. Oi. Yesterday and Today I’ve taken off completely. I’m too tired and sick and stuff. It sucks. The cold moved into my sinuses yesterday and today my sinus pressure is down but I’ve got this migraine. Ugh. At least it’s a mostly functioning migraine, except for the part where it made half my head feel numb.

If there is one thing I’ve learned about camping out it’s this: Never be the last one to go back into town after you’ve already been to the camp site. Man. First, I absolutely did not want to leave the campout. Second, I’ve been baraged with things to get upon my return since I left. Ugh.

The outside is really beautiful though. And I’ve got a sixer of Killian’s Irish Red to keep me warm through the night. Yippie. Here’s to the sunrise I will inevitably see.

My website came back! Whee! I was pretty nervous there for a while about it. And I’m sad because I actually had some things to blog about and I don’t remember them now.

Tuesday I went to Lawrence and saw Wolf Parade with Mle and Laura. It was great. and I dancedancedanced for the whole show (mostly). How fun. We went to Aaron’s afterward and that was really sweet cos I got to talk to Travis and Jeffrey and Dane and Dave for a while. I never get to talk to them outside of us all being trashed so it was fun to get to know them a little better.

I’m much happier about classes and my schedule now. I think it just took some getting used to.

My shrink is closing her practice so I’m back on the market again. Maybe I’ll start going to therapy.

Oh, oh. Today has been somewhat exciting, mostly relaxing, and more than a little boring.

Last night was the orientation for the LI. It was pretty great. I think the new kids are gonna rock, especially the ones that I already thought that about. It made me think about my first leadership orientation and Kinsley and Cara and Matt and Andy and how close everyone seemed. It’s so weird to think that I am now Cara’s age from when I met her. It’s also weird not having her on campus, but so far it’s meant that I talk to her on-line more and I’m okay with that as long as we stay friends. We’re going to see Ani together in October! Whee! Anyway, it’s weird because the LI has changed. And in some ways it’s still great. And in others I feel like it’s getting out of control and large. I think things will be fine.

I went home and helped mom wash dogs today. We washed almost all of them and trimmed up most of them. How awesome! Tomorrow she is taking me to dinner with Joe at the OG. Dad and Devon will probably be there too. I’m so happy. I really love blending my family life with my relationship life. I hope that I continue to see more of my family even though school has started. I’m trying to make a habit of it.

I also bought new shoes today. Whee. I needed new shoes for debate because I don’t feel like I have that many so I took advantage of Payless’s BOGO sale. Oh fun. And when I first went in to shop the electricity was out, which was weird, but I just put shoes on hold instead of waiting and then went to walgreens where I still had to wait. This turned out okay though because instead of getting the exact same shoe in different colors, I got the exact same shoe in different colors and with a different heel. Awesome.

Work has been boring in the most exceptional way, but my new friends and Waibel are at the apartment so I can’t really wait to go home. Plus. SVU is on TV till 1 a.m. What a great way to spend an evening.