Category: Journal

it turns out i didn’t fix it. i’ll try again later. if it makes anyone feel any better… the gap got smaller.

visit my last.fm account and add me as a friend.

alright you bitches. i fixed the alignment on my website. it turns out that 100 pixels difference was a big one. what was i thinking?! i don’t know. but it’s better now.

i have a headache that I think is turning into a migraine but i’m hoping it will keep its ultimate force in the reserves until after my test tomorrow. woosh.

i feel like my life has changed very, very quickly. everything is completely different than it was before but it’s in a pretty positive way, i think. i’m busy as all hell but as some have brought to my attention i pretty much like it this way and there are only a handful of friends that i wish i had better contact with. i don’t know. life seems to be pretty good, you know. all in all i’d say i’m happy. which is more than i’ve been able to or willing to say lately.

chicago was awesome. we did end up going to that burlesque show. it was pretty hawt. the dances were pretty cool though i’ll be the first to admit that some of them bothered me. there was a scene like the one in reservoir dogs that i hate where the ear gets cut off and they did all this fake head-giving to a gun stuff and i hate that. (personal fears). most of the dances were really good though. they did this really hawt school girl thing and a possibly hotter marionette dance. oh man.

the people we met in chicago were also totally worth staying with. all really amazing, totally nice people. there were a few kids from loyola-new orleans who we are taking classes at loyola-chicago this fall until their campus reopens and they were cool. weird being around more stros fans than sox fans in chicago though. hrm.

the white sox won the world series in a sweep. uuuuuugh.

did i tell everyone i saw an anaconda? that i dreamt of it? it was awesome! i dreamt that i was at the shedd aquarium in chicago and their was a cage with a little fake tree in it so i looked at it and there was an anaconda and a python hanging out in it and i exclaimed “pythons and anacondas living together?! that’s crazy!” then i woke up. the real life anaconda was intense. it was hanging out in this big tank with some fish that weren’t even afraid of it. i was afraid of it. OH NO.

there were lots of crabs at the aquarium too. they’re terrifying little critters.

i’m in chicago and i’ve got a new layout. kthx. so take that nate.

we went to the museum of science and industry today which was good except for the animal abuse. first, they had genetically engineered frogs that just had eyes that were green. crazy. who even needs that? and they were in this little aquarium which was lame as all hell. basically… there were no rocks or things that frogs liked. there was also no mention on the info about how they had genetically engineered the desire to hang out on rocks or be happy. bastards. they also had chickens. the chickens were in a little cage on a concrete floor. literally they had larger cages for the fake pig than they did for the real chickens. my ass. save something humanely from extinction. dammit.

we also went to dinner. manicotti, it was delicious.

tomorrow we’re going to see the suicide girls burlesque show. you are all very fucking jealous. admit it.

i haven’t blogged in forever because i’m a terrible person. but also, i’m working on a new layout which makes me not very keen on this “old” layout. so there’s that. what else has been going on? basically, i’m incredibly busy all the damned time. i’m working around 20 hours a week and taking 18 hours of class plus forensics which is at least 4 hours but usually closer to 6 hours and a thursday through sunday weekend. oi. i’ll be glad when the semester is over.

joe and i are together still and i’m extremely happy. he’s a really fantastic complement to me because we’re pretty driven and our goals are usually complimentary if not the same. it’s nice. he’s really effin intelligent too which i dig because we can pretty much always have conversations and i think we learn a lot from each other which is awesome as well.

my life seems to be alright. even when i’m stressing out about it, i still think that i’m probably pretty happy right now. it sometimes reminds me of that ani lyric in little plastic castle where she says “it’s hard to say if their happy but they don’t seem much to mind.” but othertimes i feel more optimistic than that. i got the new fiona apple cd and it’s blowing me away. the title track goes “if there was a better way it would find me…” and i think that’s pretty true. i feel like i’m where i’m supposed to be. and my past is now my past and my future is now whatever it could possibly be.

i’ve also became a relatively devout catholic. i suppose the last times i was posting i had been going to church and stuff but now it’s a weekly event. i think i’m getting a lot out of it. it’s not nearly as bad as i’d remembered it in my youth. even when i really liked going to northland i had to have a contemporary service and i remember sitting through the service just wanting to sing more or have it just be over. i think i pay more attention and the missal helps me catch up when i miss out on parts. it’s nice going at 5 too because we get like a round robin of priests which means lots of different ideas. i’m not positive but i think we have yet to have the same priest twice which is sweet just cos it means that we get tons of ideas and catholic interpretations. i think it also helps spur conversation… like i’ll talk about the direction i would’ve gone with the readings or joe will start dialogue over that passage or one or more of us will be upset about something in the homily or happy about something though i’m pretty sure it’s the other.

after mass, joe and i go to dinner which is good too… we try to always go on a date then. and sometimes we sneak in other dates if we happen to both have time. like last friday we went to get food at what ended up being red lobster and then we saw A History of Violence which was pretty good though it was sort of like a lifetime movie that just had lots of gun violence instead of bulimia or something lol. which isn’t that bad cos aren’t you always hoping people will get shot up during a lifetime movie? i’d probably recommend it, though it should’ve been a bit longer. see it at the 1.50 theater.

i saw the constant gardener this weekend. it turns out it was an awesome movie. the plotline according to imdb’s summary actually made me think it would probably be a little lame so i went into it not expecting much, but then i read that it was by the guy that made city of god and i’ve heard amazing things about that movie so i decided it was worth giving a shot to anyway.

my brother and i rented the nightmare before christmas tonight but there was trouble at the movie store. i kept having a really difficult time remembering whether nightmare started with a k or an n. now this seems a lot dumber than it is in truth. mostly i was just thinking about the word “night” and not putting it in the context of the movie title. so i just kept wandering around trying to figure out where in the alphabetical lineup i’d find the flick. we finally found it. i also realized that “The Knight’s Mare Before Christmas” could be a decent movie for anyone who may or may not be looking to direct a new movie. Lol. As for Tim Burton’s Nightmare, it was alright. I don’t think it was as good as I thought it would be but I was really impressed with the animation and how it didn’t seem like it was much longer than an episode of any of my favorite cartoons. Hm. Devon hated it because he doesn’t like “sing alongs”

Rehnquist is dead, it seems. What’s a country to do? I, for one, am hoping that everyone else on this court survives for another few years. At least until Bush can’t nominate new people. Or maybe just until there is no one to confirm a new justice. Though I’m no longer opposed to the overturning of Roe v. Wade so I don’t really know what I’m in a huff about. GAY RIGHTS, CIVIL RIGHTS, oh my! Here’s to a slow and thorough nomination process. Cheers.

my ipod and ibook came sometime last week and class started as well. i know i haven’t blogged in forever. it’s because i hate the layout. and when i hate the layout i pretty much hate going to the website at all which makes it pretty effin difficult to actually blog. although the layout is completely different where i actually do the blogging so i don’t know why this always happens, but it does. expect a new layout hopefully by the end of the weekend. but it’s hard to say because that depends on me getting home and getting photoshop on my lappy and stuff.

i love the new ibook. there are some obvious things that i don’t like about osx. for one, i prefer My Documents to the harddrive thing, even though i only have to click once after I open the harddrive. it doesn’t matter to me. i want a my documents menu. i will look into doing this at some point but until then i’ll just complain about it and wish for something better. the dashboard is great too. although i always used the quicklaunch menu on the left side of my monitor when i used the HP exclusively and so it’s basically the same thing. dashboard is just prettier, disappearing, easily editable, and animated. oh and it disappears when i don’t need it. how CONVENIENT. the software is pretty great too. i like adium more than trillian. this could be because the buddy list is smaller (Though i could’ve done that with trillian, mostly) and it will let me talk on gadu-gadu so i’ve gotten to reconnect with some polish friends. i need to make an effort to IM-email everyone that i met there, because so far i just haven’t. uggh. i need to figure out imming on jabber/gadu-gadu as well.

i don’t know. life has been insane. in fact, i literally have gone insane. i hate it. i was so in control of my head for a few years and then it’s like i went to poland and the new setting made me lose it so i got really fucking bipolar and then i sorta had a grip on it (of course i was doing nothing..) and now school has started and i’m taking 18 hours, working 16 hours, studying in the mean time, and forensicating. FUX0RZ! what was I thinking? i wasn’t handling it at all. I’ve had about 4 anxiety attacks in the past 2 weeks. and I hate panic attacks. i’d rather die most of the time than have one. but i went to the nurse after the 3rd one and they gave me an Rx for some beta blockers so that my heart won’t throw me into a panic attack. i think they’re really good. yesterday was my first waking day on them and there were a few times that i was panicky but my body just stopped. i felt the panic in my head and then it just subsided when my heart realized it wasn’t beating fast enough to throw me into convulsions. what a bloody douche bag. i also like them a lot because they aren’t restructuring my emotional chemistry so i don’t feel like a zombie like i usually do on psychotropes. oi.

one day i will again remember what it feels to be alive.

speaking of alive, this hurricane madness is really making me angry. we’ve talked about it in all but one of my classes now and it just disgusts me how ignorant all levels of government were in proactively handling this situation. ugh. and a lot of people treat it like “why didn’t they evacuate” but they were poor and didn’t have the means too. and the governor only got mad when they started looting. and congress is taking forever. and oh man, i just wish that people cared more about each other when they needed it, not just when it looked good to do it.

today i ordered a new 14″ ibook to replace my stupid broken hp laptop. i’m ridiculously excited about this. bordering on turned on by all of the new software and design prospects. oh wow. yum. i’ve found replacements of OpenOffice.org and Trillian so now I just need the new computer to start playing with it. I may also have to find a good piracy program.. not that i pirate much.. just sometimes. and i need to rip the old data off of my laptop but i can’t do that until the top of next week (and after i get the laptop) because i need a hardware adapter and the kansas computer recylcing center on kansas doesn’t have them in until then. but they were megahelpful when i went in there and i sort of love them just for being great anyway. so everyone should go there. SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESS, oh my!

apple has a special deal right now where if you are a student they’ll throw in a free ipod mini with your qualifying mac product (that means not a mac mini or 12″ ibook, my friends!). it works like a rebate so you can get an 4gig mini or get any other BETTER iPod, 6gig mini or the 20 or 60 gig new iPod and they’ll knock 179 dollars off of it and you just cover the rest. yours truly couldn’t pass this offer up so i will also be the proud owner of a new 20 GB ipod with personalization: “it’s quiet here/except for this song” which is an ani lyric from “welcome to:” oh my, what a great idea!

i was looking at the hardware that should be coming to my house and finished reading everything there was to read about my new iPod so i decided i should look at the lesserPods to see how much better mine is going to be (a lot!) and i realized that the way they market these little beasts is crazy.

the text on the iPod website introduces it as: “Welcome to the best of both worlds. Now that iPod and iPod photo are one and the same, every white iPod boasts a full-color display ? ideal for viewing album artwork and playing slideshows ? starting at only $299. Choose from 20GB or 60GB models and carry up to 15,000 songs or as many as 25,000 photos in your pocket. For Mac or PC.” Basically, they underplay the thing. You’ll notice this as a trend when you realize how talked up the other versions are…

the iPod Mini gets the following discription: This season?s must-have accessory? Your music. Listen in style with iPod mini, from just $199. Like any classic fashion icon, iPod mini goes with everything: Macs, PCs, sequins and tees. And with up to 18 hours of battery life, it?ll outlast the latest trend. Choose from 4GB or 6GB (super)models in kicked-up colors and show off your music collection. So if the iPod is so good you don’t have to talk about it then the iPodMini is it’s gay little brother. Like “well he’s a lot smaller, he doesn’t have very many friends.. but um… he knows how to wear a fedora. and you probably won’t be able to get into any decent parties unless you look really cool and stuff… dammit i don’t know… his brother is the quarterback just be nice to the little queer.”

and then the iPod Shuffle. So bizarre and quirky they have to make things up: “Time to mix things up. Meet iPod shuffle, the unpredictable new iPod. What will it play next? Can it read your mind? Can it read your moods? Load it up. Put it on. See where it takes you. Choose from pocket-size 512MB or 1G models starting at $99(1) and surprise yourself.” so this one is apparently a superhero, OR IS IT?! it should be noted that the iPod shuffle will ONLY shuffle your music so you have to load specific playlists or just be annoyed and not listen to music. also… its tiny like fits comfortably on a keychain tiny… and has no reader screen so you have to recognize what you’re listening to or be forever in the dark about the songs you’re “jamming” too. Surprise yourself with how dumb you are. Ugh.

We won’t get into the iPod U2 because i’m not a fan of their music.

ps. i can’t explain to you how happy it makes me that starbursts are sorted in a static order. delicious!

i’m working on a new layout for my domain that i’m pretty excited about but i need some stock photos (well, just one really) of either a girl or a couple kissing. so i was looking on the stock exchange site that i use for some pictures of this sort. i’d already looked for various versions of “girl” and “punk girl” so i gave “love” a whirl this time. now, i’ve had a lot of really random luck with this search to begin with because it turned up random things like donkeys standing next to each other and PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN! freakish. There were also other strange things…

My favorite was a photo entitled “What you talking bout Willis?” The photo is of an iguana and it is accompanied by the disclaimer: “Pic taken at the zoo in the reptile house. I’d love to see how this gets used. Please let me know. Please don’t use to incite hate.” Oh my. Hate of what? Iguanas? Or like Asians? Not that Iguanas are confirmed as being from Asia or not… I’m just saying… I think Fred Phelps should use the image of this particular iguana to inspire his militia. And WHY does the search term “LOVE” bring up this fine fellow? He looks like he’s just good for a fuck, i wouldn’t call him the next day.