Category: Poetry

the brown in your eyes
isn’t enough to cure
the breaking of this heart
maybe it was broken all along
(from the beginning,
when there was just me—
without a history)

as the battle in my brain
destroys my skin,
(marring it slowly with pink marks
like flags of countries
sickening bodies that have claimed me
i’m just a little girl)
the battle in my heart destroys you.

this fight is going to be a long one
its hard and i’m unrelenting
the sound of my last scream could be deafening
and a world without love would be sickening.
fight, please.

when i’d sleep
when i’d dream
when i’d have nightmares
when i’d get rescued
when i’d be saved
when i’d wake up
when i’d be saved
when i’d be saved by you
you rescue me

the silence breaks softly
as the wind carries my voice away
with your name sitting softly on it
you bring me to my knees
although you, i. not we.

as the butterflies whir
above us in the clouds
i hear you tell me stories
that i believe
do you remember?

you turn to whispers at the end
and close your lips,
tightly kissing me
and hold me close.
with no mention of sandalwood.

When i’m awake
I want only to sleep
When I’m asleep
I want only to die
Don’t wake me up
I’m sorry for this

I’m sorry for all of this

The calling
The crying
The yelling
The talking
The kissing
The reading

I wish i’d never heard your voice
(heard it say, “i just don’t know.”)
but I don’t wish i never kissed you
I wish i’d never heard your heart
(skip a beat at the sight of someone else)
I wish i’d never fallen
(out of a love so deep, but i haven’t fallen out)
I’m still so in i’m dying.

And I sleep.
To pass the hours.
And I die.
To pass the sleep.

Don’t wake me up.
Don’t wake me up.

But I am awake,
in a nightmare.
Alive in reality, escaped!
(from the dream of you).

Kill me
Kill me
Kill me

you grab my heart with your hands
and your finger tips rest uncomfortably near my hands
and you look into my eyes, like they’re a window to my soul.
we get colder and colder
you warm me up
i kind of wish that you’d warm me up.

you were a light at my feet,
guiding my path
seconds turn to minutes—
then hours, days, weeks, fortnights, months
you lit my path.

you were a reason to
(Free from reason) step
a simple object to look, wait try
i did it all alone, i did it
for you

when i reached you finally,
you were bright (too)
so bright that you couldn’t see me
now out of my lantern you fled
and i could step again.

but i don’t want to walk away

even though away is the direction in which i push myself

i don’t think i could love you
even if one time i thought i did
we’re not right for each other
and i’ve known it all along

usually i just think that i could never love anyone but her

and i’m right when i say it
so i don’t know why i try to force
myself to love other people
and i don’t love anyone
but her

and she fades away so easily that i’m afraid to reach out for her

note: mads. the first and most of the third stanza are not about you so please don’t think that they are.

i could dedicate a whole phrase to you,
and the part of your spine that cuts through your lower back like a river.
maybe it would be alright if i liked you now.
maybe it would be alright if i spit out the words.

once someone told me that god defines justice
and i don’t believe in justice
and sometimes i don’t believe in god
but you could breathe life into both

so give me justice
and give me god
give me love, give me love

once i heard a defintion of love
does that mean that thats what you felt for me?
and if you did, why didn’t you tell me?
if you say its because i never wanted it
then you never paid attention

so give me justice
and give me god
give me love, give me love

once i laid against you breathing softly
and i wanted to know if i was pretty
and you said it “god you’re beautiful.”
sometimes i don’t belive in god
and i know i’m ugly

so give me justice
and give me god
give me love, give me love

i don’t believe in justice
and love probably isn’t fair.
our god is not a just god.

so give me love, give me love.