Category: Poetry

your words break glass against my skin
while drugs set in–
(they were supposed to stop the allergy
the sting of changing weather
in the back of my throat,
and maybe they did)
the sting is replaced
with a sensation behind my eyes
[& in my veins]
i want to cut away the skin on thighs
hold my sinewy flesh out to you
saying, screaming:
‘i did this to me!
i did this for you!’ and you
you would say nothing
just give me that hollow look in your eyes
that reminds me you’re so far away
i must’ve never been close to you
but i know you better than this

your words break glass against my skin
while drugs set in–
(they were supposed to stop the allergy
the sting of changing weather
in the back of my throat,
and maybe they did)
the sting is replaced
with a sensation behind my eyes
[& in my veins]
i want to cut away the skin on thighs
hold my sinewy flesh out to you
saying, screaming:
‘i did this to me!
i did this for you!’ and you
you would say nothing
just give me that hollow look in your eyes
that reminds me you’re so far away
i must’ve never been close to you
but i know you better than this

i’ll hold my head high
and walk away, from you
because that’s what you want
or so you say.

and i’ll ask for your hand back
and pray, pray that you deny me
deny me.
and if you didn’t
then i’d still keep walking away
because that’s where you push me.

i asked you once if you wanted to stay
and you told me to stay
so i stayed.

i’ve never told you i love you
without pausing, waiting
to hear it back.
and so now i do,
i love you.

yah,
that’s what i think.
when i think you.

everytime you talk to me
i feel a little bit smaller

i saw where the ink smudged
on my arm,
back and forth like fingers
gripped my arm until i hurt

i think it looks pretty this way.

i could call you fatally flawed to your face
and you’d know exactly what i mean
but you know i’m not that happy
and i don’t drive a brand new suv

maybe its that you have what i want
or maybe you want what i need
there’s just something about you
maybe you’re satisfied
how could you be satisfied

but you’ve got so many exbestfriends
you could never call them all
and you have only one real friend
but she never calls you at all

but you’ve got so many exbestfriends
you could never call them all
before you decided to die

and catch-up is a game for the awkward, anyway
and we’re awkward, anyway

i saw words and arms
and started to tear a hole
but i’m not worth it

i dreamt of you last night too,
and i could see you
you were seated rows away from me
and i was mouthing words to you
and you were giving me a look,
what-the-fuck-jess-what-are-you-saying.
you were ignoring me.

and you had all of her attention
her laughter filled the air,
permeating my silence and
stimulating my jealousy.
every sound and emotion in that room
was mine mine mine.
so i just watched you intently
remembering
you always made me laugh
(you always make me laugh)
and i want you.

i had so many suitors circling around me
but i was unhappy
if you were not mine
and you were someone elses just then
but i owned everything in that room
and i didn’t own you
and i didn’t want to own you
i wanted to love you
and i did love you

i can’t love anyone else
shrug, maybe i just won’t.
it doesn’t matter either way, does it?
as long as i’m loving you
and you’re loving me
we can still belong together.

i hope you know this poem is about you.

our eyes meet
in a dream and your face
oh god you’re beautiful
but only tonight
right now
and i fall for you
because
you tell me too
you insist
you always had such choclaty brown eyes

maybe i miss you more than i say
but i say i don’t miss you
and i mean it
in a certain way
that i could never love you
maybe i could never love you again
but maybe i’d always loved you
and not anymore
i loved you without promise
and in weeknight repose
i love you again

i wake up to a memory of a dream
and a memory of you with glasses
in my sleep
you have no glasses
does that mean you can’t see?
you never saw
and i never saw you
i only saw who i wanted you to be
who i needed you to be
and i needed you to be
out.

i like you when you’re gone far away
i don’t want you to hold me close
just maintain your distance
and we’ll circle each other for ours
sometimes you’ll be carrion
me: vulture.
it doesn’t matter which
it only matters that
without this,
we’re nothing.