Category: Poetry

all of her problems seem so real
and so miniscule in comparison,
i suppose. but she means a lot to me
and these problems mean a lot to her
and they consume her,
so they consume me.

i tell her she deserves better
and she does deserve better.
sometimes,
whispering softly to no one
when she isn’t around
i just want to hold you,
until you feel better.
she deserves to feel better.

late at night i dream that i’m just holding her
and someone else is watching and getting angry
its all so complicated
and i can’t explain it
but i don’t want her to be so sad.

scream to no one,
no one.
scream
i’d be nice to you.
i’d be good for you

never telling you i love you,
i close my eyes sometimes
and see you in my sleep
like you’re so far
and i’m so close to you
and everything is okay

i can only run,
i cannot love or live
and if i die then so be it
no one would cry,
no flowers sent

its like a paradox,
i’m running in the woods
and theres this question
and everyone wants an answer
and i’m so fucking young
and i’m such a young fuckup
that i don’t have one

please stop asking if i bleed
because i can’t give you an answer
all i know is that i’m me.
and i hate who that is.

we were driving down the street,
(small yellow car
and reflections of cop lights)
do people wreck here?
because i thought no one drove
where no one lived
and where you are is a ghost town

i wished i could be holding your hand
instead, i held a cigarette
the rest, i give away within the week
to a boy i used to want really bad
because i promised myself
and i keep some promises

within the week, i give away you too
and i let you go so easily
because in you,
i never believed.

when the lights go out
the first question on our lips is
“is it terror? is it terror?”
and its not the fear in our hearts
or the tears in our eyes
but the weight of their words
that will crush us.

you’re formulating words
that might break my heart
or make my day
and i’m just waiting
so patiently, for anyone
to save me.

but no one will come
and if they do it won’t matter
because only you matter:
only you matter.

in the 100 seconds that it takes
for me to wade through the shock
and recognize the impact
i may not think its so bad
and maybe 100 seconds could expand forever
but i would never really be living then

i don’t live without you

i’m recording my random thoughts and i use your name a lot, i tell you. because while trying to explain myself i use you as justification a lot. and even if you are just like me i still don’t think you love me because i can’t justify that or see why anyone would in my eyes. still, i’m waiting patiently for your phone call which i think i may be beginning to expect and your long drawn out stories remind me of kyle. i think you’d like him; i think i miss him. and while it is that i can’t tell you anything much about me except that you dont really know me and that your enamoration should probably stop before it reaches disillusionment, i like it that you call.

i wasn’t sure when i said it
but i said i’d never take you back again
even if you were knocking at my door
with flowers and a face streamed with tears
i wouldn’t do it
because i don’t love you anymore
but you weren’t on my doorstep
you were climbing out of your car
looking beautiful of course, there you were
and my heart skipped a beat
and my eyes smiled as my face did
and maybe for one second i wanted you back.

i felt it just like you did
when you said you wouldn’t love me anymore
and i asked for one last kiss
we kissed and i was convinced that you were gone
and then i told myself that i was better off without you
and i’ve never felt better than when i was with you
so with your arm around me, i accepted it was just friends
and then our hands together and i missed you again
finally when you kissed me it all came crashing down
i want you, i miss you, i love you.

i can’t believe i said i love you
when i was just beginning to think that
maybe i never did
but, i did.

i suppose i’m cigarrettes
sometimes camels sometimes marlboro reds
sometimes whatever i can find on the kitchen counter
and i’m ginger ale or coca-cola
i’m sweet or dry and i’m acid
i’m a rainbow-colored fingerpainting on skin
battlewounded from mornings at preschool
and i’ve got curly hair with strands whose haircolor i don’t remember
i’m just torn up a little on the inside
like maybe there are foreign or domestic wars
between my heart and and my head
and you and my hands, i’m not sure
i’m just some sort of girl

you were mumbling about goodbyes
to someone else and my ears were listening closely
because even if you think you sound dumb when you talk,
i like you’re voice
and then your hand was lacing through my fingers

and i was wondering what changed to spark such a public display
even questioning, i turned to follow you
and when we reached the bottom of the red-rubber staircase
i looked up and watched a sea of debators reaching the top stair
and you turned me to look at you

you pulled me closer than i have been to you
while not being forced to look away due to the general nature of hugging
until suddenly someone turned to look at me looking at you
you remembered we’re two girls

and thats strange

so before my lips could kiss it
you bit your bottom lip and looked away
and i looked down at my feet that were less than willing to walk away
you were mumbling something about we would,
we’d find a way
but i was starting to not believe you until you sqeezed my hand a little and it was okay
and when im with you i’m okay.

i may be impulsive
but its working out just fine
i’m still a poet
even if you’re not my reader

when the wine lingers on your lips
for too long you say harsh words
that linger in my ears
for too long.

you said my writing wasn’t good,
maybe its not
but neither
is your parenting.

i fucking hate you.

i want this to be beautiful,
to let you know you’re ugly.