Author: Jess

ani was really fucking wonderful. it was pretty much like a constant clitoral orgasm. she’s like the cutest little jumpiest thing in the world. and her music is amazing. i don’t think i’ve ever seen a performer who sounds so much like her studio work. she preformed “gravel”, “little plastic castle”, “manhole”, “marrow” and a lot of educated guess’ songs. i had an awesome time.

the opening guy was pretty much awesome too. i think i’m going to try tofind his album online soon. though, i’m not sure if his live show would be repeatable as an album. he played a mouth harp too and now i’d really love to learn the mouth harp. it’s awesome.

madeline found me after the opening act via calling me and getting my coordinates then standing by me. that was nice. i think it would have been extremely weird for her to not be right next to me during an ani concert while she was in the room. and i only sobbed during marrow. and it probably would have been a lot worse if she wasn’t there, i suppose. though she got weird after the concert.

oh she also performed my favorite poem from evolve. augh! it was awesome! augh!

after the show, svd and ryan (who i rode to lawrence with) dropped me off at java break and i hung out with amelia and some of her friends for a while then we went to her dorm and hung out with woods, schreiner and steve. that was pretty insane. they were a little unsettled by my unannounced arrival, but not so much in that bad way. we watched the end of the grudge and smoked orange hookah tobacco. yummy. if i had a hookah i’d probably be a tobacco smoker.

around the time the grudge ended joe and caitlin got back from the movie they went to see and picked me up at lewis. then we ended up back at java break and i had a peach melba which was delicious.

alright. ani in like 5 minutes! yay!

but first, i’d like to preface with some thoughts on oppression. i believe in this country especially among white feminist females oppression is self-inflicted. we’re like goddamn self-loathers or something. i sat in my class today for womens studies and the other day as well and it basically feels like a support group for women. what the hell!? monday we talked about how unfair it is that society makes us be skinny and today we talked about how we overcome that. i say that we don’t acknowledge it. you give power to things and social constructs when you say they’re real and act like its impossible to escape. try this: you’re not fat. you don’t care if you are fat. you just want to be healthy. or you don’t even care about that. so you just say “society doesn’t say that I have to be fat. I created that idea in my mind. I’m not going to do it anymore.” AUGH! You’ve got fiat over yourself. try it on for size, pun intended.

I mostly think american feminists are missing the point. Let’s start a fourth-wave of feminism. This one wants Equality Everywhere, Dammit. I am going to make an honest effort to be less concerned with the ability of my daughter to become a Boy Scout and more concerned with that Muslim woman whose testimony counts as half that of a man.

also, when i hear battered womens task force i think “Augh! Gender Language! Augh!” since when are men never battered? and what kind of feminist is pro-generalization?

today at work i had to do regional wrestling results by myself. regional wrestling consists of about 5 huge wrestling tournaments that are done in a relatively simple version of AP style. However, tonight… i was not prepped to arrive to regional wrestling mess and i really shoudln’t be working alone on a night this busy. so i finish the first meet which was like 5a regionals at salina and then eric comes back here (eric is my editor who didn’t schedule enough of us to work tonight) to say that Rick basically did it the wrong way and put it in the way we would do an actual wrestling meet. but we’re supposed to just do top 4 for regionals because they qualify to state. this would also have been much cooler because it doesn’t take nearly as long as all of the “Bob the Builder, KSU, pinned Lorne Michaels, SNL, 3:04” does. so that’s not fun at all. and its really shitty that instead of just having someone up front fix what rick did wrong they made me change everything about the format. and so we dont’ even have complete lines for the matches like we’re supposed to have. dammit dammit dammit.
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my mom discovered instant messaging and all of its joys today. completely unannounced.

mom suddenly on my brothers screen name: jess, remind me how we do the fish thing. We ned to clean the tank.
me: is that mom?
mom: yes
me: um. you get the water (distilled) and then you put the fish in a different bowl or cup and clean out his bowl really really well then you put him back in the new water. but the water has to be room temperature
me: do you want me to take him back or are you still attached to him?
me: i miss him.
mom: I don’t mind caring for him. I just want tomake sure I do the right thing. This is so cool, talking to you on the inernet.
devon: k im back
devon: shes so amazed by this
me: alright. that’s funny
devon: yeah
devon: she just sat here and stared at the screen waitin for u to type back
me: that’s so funny
me: i can just picture her doing it.
devon: yeah
devon: when i watch skate videos i play them really loud so they will move the computer downstairs
devon: mom wants to talk to u
me: mk
me: hey lady.
mom: Jess, you need to get out somewhere and get a plant to put in withthe fish. I don’t know what happened tothe one you had but it’s gone so we need another one for yourfish to hide under and also helps keep the bowl clean.
me: okay i will.
me: what kind should i get?
mom: Love you and miss you. mommy and daddy
mom: whatever you had before
me: i love and miss both of you too.
me: alright.
mom: Will we see you this weekend. Devon will be at Midwest Skate on a school project tomorow.
me: i might be around tomorrow if we get done kind of early
mom: Are you back at Seaman tomorrow
me: yeah. you could bring me lunch although james did offer me a double meat italian sandwich today. jerk.
mom: Since I am not still well, i dont think so but what abut the meat, ms. vegeterian.
me: i didn’t eat it.
mom: Way to go. I love you and I will return the computer to Devon.
me: alright. goodbye mom, sleep well and get well soon.
devon: k im back
me: alright.
devon: shes so wierd

lol.

i have one class left for this week because i’m taking tomorrow off to judge student congress and ld at the high school. i’m at least mostly excited about it. although i have to admit that i’m dreading judging a full day of congress and home that maybe i’ll get at least one full session off :-/ oi. i’m just worried i’ll give them all ones for giving the same speech. because i hate that. and if they are like the 6th speaker on the same side of a topic they should probably get a one. and if they can’t speak on the other side of the topic they should probably get a 1. and if i get really fucking bored they should probably just get a 2 or something. even if their speech is great. i’m like the best judge ever. represent the personal biases. i should work on that. i guess i’m not really that biased i’ll just judge on really weird things or get angry about weird things i should say because i don’t even actually give downs to people who use gender language even though that REALLY angers me.

speaking of gender language, i think genderless pronouns are about one of the worst ideas i’ve ever heard. first of all, i was introduced to them mostly in the context of “maybe we could use this word to give transexuals a gender.” AUGH! the problem with this line of analysis is that its completely ignoring the fact that transexuals consider themselves to be gendered. so if you’re going to say that we should have the genderless pronouns Ze and Hir and use them only in cases of neutral people then you have to actually have neutral people to use them on. and transexuals are not neutral people. in fact, even saying that is really ignorant and pretty offensive. so i got really angry, and i probably should have brought up this point in class because i have friends who are at the very least questioning which sex they should have been assigned and to define them as something other than the gender they believe they are is revolting. also, i think it creates a huge problem when it destroys the ability of individuals to communicate with each other. why don’t feminists just create their own gender-free language where everyone is a ze and hir and then try to point out to all of those non-feminist zes some overwhelming political message using words that don’t actually exist in the english language. that’ll be a good way to get change to occur.

i, for one, do not support irrational behavior on the part of feminists.

ps. why don’t we get our head out of our ass and stop screaming about how suzie can’t be a boy scout and start writing some letters to real places of gender inequality? like whoa.

sometimes, i pretty much hate my ability to slack off like mad and have things still work out. for instance, about two weeks ago my laptop started acting really insane in terms of how it wanted to charge which was basically never. so sometime last week the little machine finally hit its wits end and the charger just fried itself. i put off buying a new one because i don’t like to spend money but finally have to get one yesterday because i had about 11 pages worth of writing due today. So i start the writing around 4 pm yesterday afternoon and write some. then at like 4:30 i decide to pay attention to the grudge so that there is a risk of scariness in the movie. the movie was remotely scary but i thought it was all culty and cool and really it wasn’t much of either. but the little boy was kinda cute. i start writing again after the movie at about 7 and write until i decide i should probably leave joe’s apartment since its only me and brian there. i went to lolas and ran into steve so i worked on the paper and talked to him for a while then i got chinese food and was back in the dorms writing said paper until about 11:30 when it was finished and i had only my womens studies journals to tackle.

at this time, i voted that my roommates continuing cohabitation could not be tolerated and left the room for joe’s place. good going, jess-rah. i took a shower there (with conditioner, bitches.) and then madeline came by for a while. talking to madeline was nice but she was definitely more than freaked out by group-interaction jess especially around brian, britain, travis, and joe. oi. so scary we be. this lead to the inevitable “i can’t speak to you ever again except for next wednesday when we’ll be at the same concert” discussion. i’m just kind of letting her do whatever. cos i don’t really believe we’ll ever actually quit talking. and hey, her hair is all shortish and cute now because its growing out nicely.

i began writing the journals at about 1 and finished what i could do by like 2ish. of course at this point i was trying to write something about how the patriarchy can no longer save our young men but instead it came out as “in order to fully escape oppression we must reject and escape the capitalist framework.” WHAT THE HELL!? tired jess just starts uncontrollably typing communist propaghanda and only stops after realizing that it doesn’t fit what she was saying in that paragraph at all. oi. i decided to forgo finishing the journal and sleep for a few hours. so i go to sleep around 2:35 and wake up at like 7 to start writing. 7 turned to 8 fairly quickly and then i finished the journals in approx a half hour and ran over to henderson to print everything i needed for the day then went to my 9 o’clock class with my work for the day completed. slam. wham. bam.

it should also be mentioned that i completed all of that days activities with a mild hangover (mostly just patterned nausea). Joe, Travis, Trista and I went to Lawrence to party with some kids from Silver Lake (Augh! SILVER LAKE! Augh!) Have no fear, dear reader, I had dated zero of the silver lake kids at this party. So the night goes like this: Jess gets really trashed then passes out at about 3:30 am and wakes up again at 4:45 am to the sound of the stereo clicking in a desperate attempt to find a cd so she turns it off and goes back to bed for a half hour then gives up. it was at 5:20 when i gave up on sleeping again that night that i decided to go to Java Break (when in lawrence . . . ) so i look next to me (or near me you know) where Joe fell asleep and find an empty space. i wander around the house looking for him and attempt to call his cellphone but only succeed in finding his cellphone until i decide to give up my search and go to sit in the garage where I can have some light for a while. strangely, I discover Joe asleep on the couch in the garage. Basically, i just listened to him breathe for a few minutes then decided I was going to JB with or without him and he might as well tag along. So i wake him and we go to java break and spend a few hours there while i finish off a sex bomb and he has hot cocoa and we talk about lots of issues for a while.

He let me see his incan face. Mmm.

ps. juice stop cures hangovers for short enough time periods.

So much alcohol this weekend and all I have to show for it is that i joined/created a gang.

Rule number 1: It’s not cheating if it’s a Chupacabra.
Rule number 2: Steve cannot be a Chupacabra.
Rule number 3: All Chupacabras must be initiated as Chupacabras.
Rule number 4: Fine, Steve, you can be a Chupacabra.
Rule number 5: The Ninja Fox Doctrine
Rule number 6: Chupacabras do not eat cocaine.
Rule number 7: Jerking off rules.
Rule number 8: Bone Check, Homie, Bone Check.
Rule number 9: Once a Chupacabras, always a Chupacabras.
Rule number 10: Chupacabras do not ride Mogos.